A new beginning .... or is it a full circle ?

Prelude : 

When I was in ........ [ Quick Observation - Don't many boring stories begin this way ??! ;) ] Indianapolis - I met a lady who was resolving some issues on my computer in the office and it took a while. We seemed to reach a friendly rapport and I found myself bemused with the kind of questions I asked her and her replies. [ They were so personal for a first chat - as it later occurred to me ].

For one thing - this was the time I was wondering if I should consider having a child once I was back in India. To me this was  not a light decision - it was a matter of a lifestyle change and obviously a mindset too. IMO it would not be fair to the child if I was not prepared for the adjustments and the sense of responsibility.

She simply said "Being a parent is a lifelong commitment, it does not end once they grow up. I have 3 children and they have children and yet I don't stop worrying about them ! ". Well ..... hmm this was something that had not occurred to me.

I then went on to her career and she astounded me when she said she had taken a 23 year break from her work and then reinvented herself and was employed now. She said that she had enjoyed the time with her children and she enjoyed having to learn new things once she was back in the job market and although the journey was not always easy - she was happy with her choices.

We chatted some more and while all my subsequent meetups with her were enjoyable the first talk really made an impression on me. Especially the part about being a parent forever ! :)

However I also realized I admired her for getting into the job market again after that kind of a long break. It definitely would not have been easy. As I discovered myself there is a bias when you come to the job market from a family related break. It does not matter whether it is fair or not - it is something that just is and needs to be acknowledged and handled.

Sabbatical : 

Anyway as life moved on -  I had a child - decided to take a break - initially was not sure if I wanted a 3 year break or shorter or longer but many readings I did around that time said - that the best formative years to be with the child were 0 - 8 years - so I did that.

I did my distance MBA after year 5 - took finance and marketing. And then when it seemed like my daughter needed less on-hand time [ emotionally she still needs me and her father too of course ] and preferred being with her circle of friends more - it looked like working was something I could now definitely go back to.

Job Hunting : 

And then the realities of the job markets - I would get many many pitches from job consultants who would back off once they knew I had come back to the job market from a break. One lady asked - Why was I even thinking of coming back ?? :)  I could never understand why they did not bother to read the headline of my CV - I was very very clear that I was coming back from a break and was looking at second innings.

All in all - I finally applied only to two jobs. One I had been called by the company and another was a link sent by my friend who had seen my status in facebook ! :) The first one - I called and checked that they knew I was coming after a break and when I was assured they knew - I went for the interview - only to get a rude shock. The person who was interviewing me clearly had not expected my break and although he spoke nicely, the bottom line was - they did not want me. I was very annoyed - not that they did not interview me - but that in spite of being clear on my CV they wasted my entire day !!

Friends' reactions to my job hunting - ranged from disbelief, encouragement,  to a quiet pity that I would never get a job ! ;)  LOL ..... Other than a couple of them - most friends for all their personal opinions were supportive.

On the whole I did not mind [ I AM realistic ] - Yes I would prefer to enter the corporate world again but that did not mean other avenues were closed.

Interview : 

The link sent by my friend was a linkedin url and I applied. After telephonic screening I was asked to come in person. And then to my astonishment the first person who I was to meet was the CEO of the company ! LOL - I was definitely taken aback. I called HR and they confirmed the same. As I was to later comprehend, the diversity initiative was his drive - and hence he was actively involved. [ He has since then moved on to  US within the same company and is now no longer the CEO of the Indian unit ] 

After his queries when he asked me if I had any questions; of course I had !!! After all how often would I get to ask questions of a CEO ? :)

Then came the technical round and couple more rounds. On skype I had the final call with my current manager and then got the offer letter.

First day : 

First day at my job was almost like a deja vu. The cubicles, the AC , the quiet hum of computers , the adjusting of the seat height and  the access cards ! It almost felt like the years had melted away and I was merely joining a new project ! I liked my colleagues and I joined at the right time ! One week later we went on a team outing where we played many team games that definitely broke the ice altogether ! :)

;)

Breaking the news : 

Tough times or times when you are not entirely sure of what the future holds do give you a better understanding of who truly are your friends. Reactions ranged from happiness for me to "Ok ok" over whatsapp !! As you can understand the "Ok ok" person has been relegated to "Don't bother" category ! ;) LOL ... Another friend was happy to come at meet me at my office !! :) I was happy too !! :)

What now ?

I don't know the future and I am taking things as they come ! :) There are of course different challenges now - the eternal work-life balance, how to be with my child, logistics of baby care etc :) Will probably be asking tips from "Both working" couples ! :)

I called up an aunt - the one who had supported me with a few words during my break; that I had made the right choice for me and never mind the nay sayers. She was pleased and happy for me.

In the final analysis that is what makes a difference - if you are given the same choices again - would you choose the same thing ? I know I would - so I am happy with the choices I have made and I am happy life has worked out to give me a chance at working in the area I prefer.

I have not said much about the support given to me by my spouse  and my child - simply because even the job hunting may have been a non-action item if they had not backed me !!! :)

I am also happy with the friends I have, since that all-too-important link was given by a friend who cared enough to respond to my fb rant !!!! ;)

It's a new beginning .. a path traversed before and yet .. different this time around ...

The "dreaded" small talk

First of all - I don't really "dread" small talk. Perhaps it is because I do not attend innumerable parties to suffer from this particular ennui ! :)

I personally view it as an art - and the best test is when one is able to keep a few people from disparate backgrounds engaged in a reasonably lively conversation. And that is not effortless !!!!  Try getting a group like that - to be at ease with one another !

A good "small talk" should make people comfortable with each other, introduce varied subjects, include everybody as far as possible and not delve too deep into any issue. The idea is to explore and enjoy - yes enjoy !

Strangely enough I have not found many people good at small talk.

For e.g. -  That marketing guy - who ends up giving a strident monologue to a group which is currently resenting being unable to get a word in side ways. But he thinks he is great at breaking ice !! :)

Or that person who has innumerable friends but cannot keep the conversation ball rolling at all !! Me thinks his friends are acquaintances based on mutually shared things-to-do and once that activity is over - hey there is nothing to talk about !!


Then there is the other variety - which does not know what to do when you accept an invite to their party / home-warming etc. Conversation is non-existent ! LOL - Talk about awkward !

And so on .....

So why am I talking about it ? It is a form of communication and people who are great at communication excel at "small talk" too. After all it is an ice-breaker and if networking is your thing - small talk is required. [ Although networking does involve more than small talk ]

I would think the following viewpoints about small talk can make the "dreaded" feeling go away.

1.  It is an initial step into a journey unknown - Either a person can end up a friend or an acquaintance or "just avoid" category. Subsequent forays just help the differentiation.

2. Keeps the conversation ball rolling - If one is especially good at this - it can keep the conversation moving from topic to topic and one can get to hear different opinions and may end up in lively discussions if one is lucky !!!!.

3. Opinions of people from diverse backgrounds - Self explanatory I would think. 

4. Non-political and non-confrontational - Small talk by its nature is not supposed to include radical topics. So one does not have to protect one's turf  in opinion wars ! :) Less pressure and relaxing; perhaps even enlivening hmm ?

See ? Isn't that a better way to view it ? A step into an uncharted territory .........

I am aware I have not touched the cons of small talk - which include - lying, untrue opinions, disinterest etc. But then those are the things that make the topic "dreaded" and I was viewing the positive aspects of it !

Education == Career is a lopsided equation

I was asked by a C-suite person - How were my friends similar to me faring in the job scenario ? I was a little bemused by the question 'coz I realized at that time I did not know any woman wanting to get back into the corporate scene especially after the kind of break I have taken - 8 years ! :)

I have never been one of those people who think that women do not matter the minute they do not earn especially if they have been educated. I firmly believe contribution comes in various forms and the equation Education == Career ( solely counting rungs of the ladder climbed ) views only one aspect of it. To be sure, being financially independent is great and does give a lot of choice and a feeling of empowerment but I have never run down women who take a break or don't take a break. What works for each person / family is different.

Personal choices aside - bringing up a child to be a good citizen is not something that should be looked down upon or taken for granted. Still there are a whole host of people out there who believe "children grow by themselves" and if a woman is educated and does not work - it is a waste educating her. Yes, I have been told this in various forms including by one elder person who honestly should have known better considering how much of life he has seen. Never mind !!!

Getting back to the question - I reeled off ..........

I answered that friends who have taken a break from a formal career - are doing different things now or are entrepreneurs -

• One had opened a book shop, has developed soft skills modules which are being integrated into the Diploma curriculum across the state, has worked with teen suicide helpline and and ....... does so many things I cannot keep track of them since they are so varied ! :) She is now on her latest entrepreneurial venture which will be open soon.

• This friend has opened a pre-school, is being advised by ISB which had chosen her as a part of group of women entrepreneurs within a certain criteria. Prior to this she volunteered in Doorstep school - a school for migrant children.

• Many friends have turned to teaching - be it as Montessori teachers, Primary school teachers. Maths coaching or even a Language teacher.

• Another friend works with differently-abled children and organizes events for them

• In the next circle of acquaintances - some one is into jewellery design, another into saree design, one has opened a toy library, another lady is a fashion designer.

And so ........ I was aware I had not really answered the question since I did not know anyone in the same boat as I was in but I did realize - I have diverse set of friends none of whom are looking at getting back to the formal ladder !!!! ;) 

As an aside - if I were to expand to the next degree [ Six degrees of separation anyone ? ] - I will come across women involved in organic manure, dog training, costume dresses, designer kids clothing, beautician, pastry baking, counselling special kids, webdesign freelancing, book lending library and elder care!

Parent Teacher Meeting - A gladiator ring

Parenting is no easy job and I feel there is no better place to view this anxiety and concern than at a parent teacher meeting. I always come from any such session feeling completely bemused ! :)

A gladiator ring with many participants is what comes to mind when I attend one ! :)

So ....

• One set of parents are annoyed that there is too much homework and another wants extra homework in holidays too !! :) Seriously ?!!!

• Someone says there is too much writing in the class and another says the school should have weekly essays so the children can improve their handwriting ! 

• One set of parents are so anxious about marks that they want every single question that can possibly come in the exam - written and thoroughly drilled over and over again into the kid ... and another set complains no end about how much the school emphasises academics !

• Checking spelling in the test paper causes anguish - after all the kids do lose marks in this endeavour of learning to write correctly. Can it not be eliminated ? Justification is that .. hey spell check is every where. 

I envisage a future --- "their" or "there" - both are perfectly fine and can be used interchangeably ! ;) The poor kid does not know any better after all !!! But I am wrong I realise -- I mean in sms lingo - it will be 'thr' after all so why worry ? :)

          

• An entire group of parents bemoaned how they do not know Marathi words and asked the teacher to ensure the kids jotted down word meanings so that the parents could understand what was being taught in the class !!! Ha ha ha .. this made me itch to say - Get a Marathi - English dictionary people ... problem solved !! :) 

• We all believe our children are Einstein, Picasso and Mozart rolled in one - so this dazzling array of talent has to be displayed (for each child)  in the school concert of 30 minutes ! :)

• It does not matter how the school infrastructure is - there will always be parents for whom the sunlight is not bright enough or the rain is not wet enough ! ;)

• And let us not forget eating !!! The talk goes like this - children should eat their food and so the teacher should check their lunch boxes daily but but but .... they are to learn to make the choice to eat healthy food given to them [ Err when ?] ! :)  You know what happens right ? The food goes down the toilet ! Literally !

The list goes on and on .... 

And so while I listen to these contradictory demands - I wonder if internally the teachers have the following thoughts in mind ! :)