And a year has passed ...

And so a year has gone by since that soul passed away. Today, at odd times I would remember - at this time she was alive, now, oh god now she must have gotten hurt and by now she was gone.

Made me think - 

- One never knows when it is going to be one's last day.

- One never knows the last time one would say bye to a beloved sibling. 

- One never knows the last time one would plan a joyous occasion with friends.

- So many lasts..... Too many lasts...

And so many I have gone through. Each loss is a drip of acid on my heart.

Why ARE we here ? Everything seems meaningless in the end.

Grief changes shape, but it never ends.

How do you measure a life ?

How do you measure a life ?

The loss of one has upended so many beliefs.

Even with records we fade in three generations at most. 

Would you measure a person by their accomplishments ? The change they brought about in the world ? Where could the common person go in this case ? ( All those bones in the bone museum in Europe ? )

By the number of people who grieved their loss ? By the lives they touched - small or big ?

I do not have answers but it makes me think ........

Unsubscribe ... with a zeal ...

It had to happen ! Yesterday I was watching a TED talk on concentration and one of the items listed in the suggestion was a talk I had viewed before. But for the life of me I just could not remember anything about it. I know I had watched it solely because the title intrigued me (clickbait?!) and the talk did not disappoint - and yet here I was, hardly a couple of months since I had watched it (yes - I remembered that too) and could recall nothing of the talk itself.

So that made me curious - like any self-respecting software professional - I bookmark tons of articles, blog posts, books and videos to consume. This is continuous learning I am writing about. Not fiction.

Books 
I looked at the list of books I had read and there they were - couple of books that I had no recollection of at all !! Not a single point of those books stood out.

There could be couple of things here - One that I read so widely that nothing in those books stood out from the many blogs / TED Talks / Articles etc that I read. I already knew the material in bits and pieces from various resources.

I don't think this is entirely true. When I pick up a book - I try to do a basic synopsis (not as much in depth - as suggested in 'How to read a book') and at least as far as the books of last year are concerned I did not think I knew about those topics as much.

Two - They were just entirely forgettable simply due to a non-connect emotionally or due to no-usage day in and day out.  The forgetfulness curve set in and with nothing to make me remember (not yet added to my trusty Anki Spaced Repetition App) - like water through a sieve - it just drained out.

Subscriptions
Too many blogs these days do not have a RSS feed. Sometime last year I decided that if a website does not have RSS feed I would not bother with updates from that website. Yes, I may get less content but then it is not like I do not have plenty of good material to read. I am drowning in the To-Read pile.

Even with that I had a lot of mail subscriptions from authors that I thought I cared about. Looking through more than ~125 mail subscriptions I could not adequately recall enough to justify this kind of deluge and the time I spent on that deluge.

That UX design mail course - nothing remains in mind. I remember instead the UX designing trade offs that we had to make while developing our app.

That snippet of daily knowledge  - uh oh .. just cannot recall.

So ...... 

The end result -

1. I unsubscribed from almost all of the mail subscriptions - and they were quite a lot ! Phew !
2. Pared down my bookmarks to a minimum ( this took a while - I think there are some time-wasters lurking there but for now it will do)
3. Removed more than 100 RSS subscriptions
4. I always have a humongous list of next books to read - slashed it to 1/3rd !!
5. Videos and videos list - Completely revised the list and removed everything that went - 'I may get to this topic later' !! It never happens. Because then one makes a fresh search and list !!!

This clean up was definitely not my new year resolution but I am glad the way to have started this.

I have realized that I prefer my learning mostly from books / some MOOCs  and then projects. So I am sticking to what works for me.

'Deep Work' by Cal Newport made an impression on me and since then I have been following its tenets as much as possible. This year I hope to read 'Digital Minimalism' by him and make it even more easier to do deep work. Let's see.

And to ensure I stay on course if I do not consume what I mark for reading (articles/blogposts/videos) in a month - I will just delete it.

Books do not come in this list because some books are big and I take time to read them so the 1 month criteria does not work. What does work is keeping the book aside if it does not appeal. Life is too short to read boring books even if they are non-fiction. With some search - there will be other authors who will present the same material in a more engaging way.  Or even a youtube list !! LOL ... Back to the vicious circle !!!!

I have realized 'To-Be-Consumed-later' is a black-hole. Nothing that goes there seems to come out !!!

And so when I read this - I thought I am glad I am on the journey to consume more meaningfully.

500 unread mails, 2K unread articles, 5K unread posts – I am drowning

But I realized I had completely forgotten learning this lesson once before -

Infinity Redefined

Change in the blog URL

I have changed the URL for this blog from vidyab.blogspot.com to vidyabhandary.blogspot.com.

Calendar - December 2015

December 2015 - The original jpg is at the dropbox link shown below
https://www.dropbox.com/s/gr8imkt6o49mpg8/12-Dec-2015.jpg?dl=0

December 2015

Calendar - November 2015

November 2015 - The original jpg is at the dropbox link shown below 
https://www.dropbox.com/s/b4edusc2b49ja9s/11-Nov-2015.jpg?dl=0

November 2015

Calendar - October 2015

October 2015 - The original jpg is at the dropbox link shown below
https://www.dropbox.com/s/o996v36n9gexsib/10-Oct-2015.jpg?dl=0

October 2015

Calendar - September 2015

September 2015 - The original jpg is at the dropbox link shown below
https://www.dropbox.com/s/tihu36foygia2nz/9-Sep-2015.jpg?dl=0

September 2015

Calendar - August 2015

August 2015 - The original jpg is at the dropbox link shown below
https://www.dropbox.com/s/paiwll6n34doa2d/8-Aug-2015.jpg?dl=0

August 2015

Calendar - July 2015

July 2015 - The original jpg is at the dropbox link shown below
https://www.dropbox.com/s/z19tvjh8lhjkaos/7-Jul-2015.jpg?dl=0

July 2015

Calendar - June 2015

June 2015 - The original jpg is at the dropbox link shown below
https://www.dropbox.com/s/ojk9xezpltw3zqt/6-Jun-2015.jpg?dl=0

June 2015

Calendar - May 2015

May 2015 - The original jpg is at the dropbox link shown below

https://www.dropbox.com/s/v2usajkj66ciqnk/5-May-2015.jpg?dl=0

May 2015

Calendar - April 2015

April 2015 - The original jpg is at the dropbox link shown below
https://www.dropbox.com/s/4kx0disk0cdzm9g/4-Apr-2015.jpg?dl=0

April 2015

Calendar - March 2015

March 2015 - The original jpg is at the dropbox link shown below.
https://www.dropbox.com/s/xubv7nzs6w868wr/3-Mar-2015.jpg?dl=0

March 2015

Calendar - January 2015 / February 2015

I have been making personal calendars for sometime now. I first ordered one online and cringed at how small the pictures looked. Plus the pictures were cropped and I was annoyed. So the next year I decided rough and ready though it might be - I would make my own !

And so I did. I used excel at first. Rudimentary at best. Since then I have moved on to GIMP. I am no designer / artist but making my yearly personal calendar is an activity I truly enjoy.

This year after finishing my personal calendar - I felt like making monthly calendars from some of my personal nature snaps. So far I have done only two - for January and February.

The original jpgs - are at the dropbox links mentioned below.

Enjoy .... and happy new year 2015 !!!

January 2015   - https://www.dropbox.com/s/d2xn68he7j819tt/1-Jan2015.jpg?dl=0
February 2015 - https://www.dropbox.com/s/o0f76gbwyrjhovf/2-Feb2015.jpg?dl=0

January 2015

February 2015

AVTAR I-WIN Pune Segue Session - Aug 2013 - My thoughts

I attended the AVTAR -I-WIN (www.avtariwin.com / https://www.facebook.com/AVTARIWIN ) Pune Segue session yesterday August 8th 2013 at Hotel Le Meridien. There were about 230 - 250 participants I think. While the event was mainly for women looking to starting their second innings after a break ( any reason - child care, elder care , marriage relocation , health ) I was surprised to note there were women who were working and were looking to change careers.

I do not want to go into what AVTAR I-WIN / Segue means. I feel their site does a very good job of it with more details. I do want to put in my thoughts on the session itself.

A presentation is present at the following link - in case you prefer to view a ppt instead of a blog !

http://www.slideshare.net/vidya_b/i-win-25101575  

What I liked - 

1. Profile of the speakers - The very first inkling of how serious AVTAR is regarding second innings for women comes from the profile of the speakers at the event. Apart from 

• Ms. Saundarya Rajesh  Founder - President,  AVTAR I-WIN & FLEXI Careers India

we had the following speakers - who you would agree form an impressive list.

• Ms. Sandhya Vasudevan, Managing Director DBOI Global Services Pvt. Ltd., Deutsche Bank Group
• Ms. Nisha Verma, Head - Talent Management, Vodafone India Limited
• Ms. Oindrila Majumdar, Head of Asset and Wealth Management Operations, DBOI Global Services, Deutsche Bank Group
• Ms. Priya Tandon, Director Development,  Allscripts
• Mr. CK Kumaravel, Co-Founder & Director, Naturals
• Ms. Aditi Sharma, Vice President - Quality & Six Sigma, Cummins India
• Ms. Mitu Seth, Mumbai Site Head of Human Resources, DBOI Global Services India, Deutsche Bank Group
• Ms. Sukanya Patwardhan, Senior Practice Consultant, Tata Management Training Centre, Pune
• Ms. Anita Borulkar,Associate Vice President Human Resource, Sandvik Asia Private Limited, Deutsche Bank Group
• Ms. Ritu Waila,Consultant,Tata Management Training Centre, Pune
• Mr. Ishmeet Singh, Business Head for Maharashtra,  Goa Circle, Vodafone
• Mr. Sharad Verma, Senior Director, Talent Engagement and Development, SunGard Global Technology

2. The agenda - The workshops included a panel discussion on India Inc.'s need for women managers, On the need for Networking to restart a career, Negotiation skills to arrive at a win-win, an Entrepreneurial success story, a different view of oneself  [Me Inc. ] and the idea of internal stakeholders.

3. The participants - This forum allows us to meet many women who are looking at either change in their current work or second innings and is a wonderful way to network and form new connections. I was amazed at the representation - women from different fields, backgrounds, different work histories, different sabbatical gaps ( the longest I heard was 13 years ) , entrepreneurs ( some failed , some planning to start ).

4. Learnings - I learnt many things from the session but am going to write down the ideas that resonated the most with me.

Specific Learnings - 

• Ms. Oindrila Majumdar, Head of Asset and Wealth Management Operations, DBOI Global Services, Deutsche Bank Group

• "You are needed" ! 

Simple, direct, powerful and honestly a morale booster. It is not just me looking for a job for whatever reasons I have - Corporate India too needs women like me who have experience and want to join the workforce. Personally I found her inputs the most inspiring of all the speakers. Perhaps because of this statement ! :)

• Ms. Saundarya Rajesh  Founder - President,  AVTAR I-WIN & FLEXI Careers India

• Work-life Integration instead of work-life balance. 

I like the idea that work and life are not two separate things that need to be balanced but instead should be integrated for a fulfilling life.

• Ms. Sandhya Vasudevan, Managing Director DBOI Global Services Pvt. Ltd., Deutsche Bank Group

• Emphasis on clarity of goals - Why go to work ? To be very clear with yourself on this.

• Ms. Nisha Verma, Head - Talent Management, Vodafone India Limited

• Women are good in social networking but poor in mental and physical networking - Too true !
• Grow "YOU" as a brand - What other people think of you, what people attribute to you and 'your' brand should invoke strong emotions.
• In response to a question - Visibility alone is not good enough - visibility to the right people is also important.

• Ms. Priya Tandon, Director Development,  Allscripts

• Be sure of what you want in life and be happy with it. Also understand the price you are prepared to pay for what you want in life.

• Mr. CK Kumaravel, Co-Founder & Director, Naturals

• His talk had the most humorous moments ! Candid on a previous business failure as well as difficulties in the current journey.
• Money is the by-product of serving others.
• Irritation is the biggest source of energy ! :)
• Initial seed money from 3F's - Family, Friends and Fools ! 
• Be an eternal optimist - they always learn more and try more
• Value people and use money - not the other way round
• Answer to a person who had a failed business behind her - Failure is an opportunity to begin again.

• Ms. Aditi Sharma, Vice President - Quality & Six Sigma, Cummins India

• Don't over commit your employers and lose your flexibility 

• Ms. Mitu Seth, Mumbai Site Head of Human Resources, DBOI Global Services India, Deutsche Bank Group

• Prioritize
• Accept you cannot do everything
• Asking help is okay
• Exercise the power to make choices 
• There will be good days and bad days
• Definition of success keeps changing - define it for yourself and don't inherit from others

• Ms. Anita Borulkar,Associate Vice President Human Resource, Sandvik Asia Private Limited, Deutsche Bank Group

• Inspiring talk - challenges in the field where not many women employees are present as well as handling unions and government. 

• Ms. Sukanya Patwardhan, Senior Practice Consultant, Tata Management Training Centre, Pune

• You are the CEO of Me Inc..
• How well can you take the nonsense thrown at you / being taken for granted / feeling low / comparison ?

• Ms. Ritu Waila,Consultant,Tata Management Training Centre, Pune

• An inspiring story of managing a break forced due to health issues.

• Mr. Ishmeet Singh, Business Head for Maharashtra & Goa Circle, Vodafone

• Inputs from view of employer when a person with career break comes for an interview - Yes there can be a bias.

• Mr. Sharad Verma, Senior Director, Talent Engagement and Development, SunGard Global Technology

• Define your goals , priorities / ambitions / commitment to success 
• Decide what you are willing to settle for / not settle for / your strengths / perceived weakness
• Aim to be likable and competent - and showcase this with your attitude
• Try to close a negotiation positively
• Anticipate

Areas of improvement - 

I sincerely believe the Segue session was a superb program - so these critiques should be be considered with an open mind. They should be evaluated against obvious practical considerations as well as alignment to the goals of the program. However the best of people / groups like to see how they can do better - so I will give my inputs honestly.

1. Practical networking - It is good to say "Network" but an ice breaker kind of game would have been good. [ So many conferences have this- short 10 - 15 min game that gives say about 5 connections right away !!! ]. Yes we did connect with the ladies at our table and during tea but more would have been nice.

2. Segue success stories - Women who have benefited from the Segue sessions. Perhaps it is early to talk about this - I am not sure. The women need not come in person nor should women who do not wish to be spot lighted be mentioned by name. However I still think couple of stories would have been good.

3. Profile of the women participants - Not on an individual basis but in a very broad sense - the kind of industries they come from, the sabbatical gaps, education profile, business start ups .. etc

4. Entrepreneurial how to - The Naturals success story is inspiring but a general how-to for entrepreneurship would have been wonderful. I am not completely sure of this topic though since I have a feeling it could be so vast that it would not fit in the schedule !

Takeaways - 

1.  Networking - The forum helped to meet women in the same boat as I am - trying to make a comeback to work after a sabbatical.

2. Perspective from the company end  - It was good to hear from the other side of the table. The inputs were invaluable.

3. The workshops / talks / discussions - These were encouraging and motivating.

All in all - an informative and inspiring workshop which I am happy I got a chance to participate in. 

Change ...

After sometime a beautiful picture begins to pall , a lovely perfume you get used to and can no longer smell it, wonderful scenery is taken for granted , novelty of possessions fades off ....

Water still for a long time stagnates and a constant diet of rich chocolate desserts would become boring ... and fattening too :) When the same exercise is done daily your muscles get used to it ; within a single day if you were to do the same task obviously you would go out of your mind due to the monotony !

So what does this all mean ?

CHANGE !!! It never ceases to amaze me that change is the only constant and the only thing that one can really like .. and yet it is always fought ... we fight to keep things same .. !!!

Why ???

(In)Sane parents !

We give new meaning to the term dysfunctional !

1. The "mele main kho ja" type

Child is in UKG - nobody to pick her up at the gate. So we drop her to her home .. and 3 of her family members in the house say "Oh we forgot about her " ???? Errr what ?

I sincerely hope they never take her to a mela - prime candidate for all those movie dramas !

2. The "barking" type

Parent - "Naksha what is the name of the covering of a tree?"
Naksha - "Bark"
Parent turning to her child and saying frantically [ test day syndrome ] - "Now remember , the covering of a tree is bark" , "B.A.R.K" , "Baark" ... "BAARK" ...

After a few more seconds of this scary "barking" the child ran away ! ;)

3. The "don't eat junk food" type 

Screams at her child for wanting to drink colas and eat chips and not do any physical activity. Fifteen minutes later is slouching on a sofa watching her favorite program - while munching on a giant bag of chips with cold fanta.

Junk food rules don't apply to middle-aged bodies I guess ! ;)

4. The  "fantastic swimming teacher" type

Two year old baby - swimming pool - both parents talking to other parents after spending 2 min in the pool. Boasting about the different techniques of teaching swimming. The child nearly drowns !! Luckily - spotted and taken out of the pool and they give a glare to the person who saved her.

I agree; it sucks to be interrupted while pontificating !

5.  The "waiting for her to grow up" type

Teen daughter - already 'knows' everything. Parents still waiting to have the "talk"  - about - "Not taking biscuits/chocolates from strangers" ... wow !

You missed that boat already dears ! LOL ....

6. The "I need my privacy" type

Child comes to neighbors house regularly on Thursdays at dinner time. After some time neighbor asks about it - Child says "Oh my dad wants to spend time with his girlfriend".

Love your neighbors - you never know when you will need them ! :)

7.  The "my child is like your child" type ... ;)

Saturday morning - 8am - drops her child to her friend's house without giving any heads-up. Picks up her child around 6pm. Does the same on Sunday. Reasoning - "Both my hubby and I had an exhausting week at work yaar !! We needed to relax" !!!

A friend in need is a friend indeed eh ?

8.  The "don't look into the eyes" type

While talking about her child - never looks into the person's eyes. She makes me feel like crossing my arms and saying - "Lady I am straight" !!!!

9. The "opinion poll" and "Hair-scare" type

Baby got hurt , big deep gash in the middle of crown - the mom calls 6 people for opinions on what to do - hey it is definitely not a "take-her-to-the-doc-if-you-have-a-doubt"  moment - she feels she will look foolish (???) if it turns out to be nothing ! So ..... what to do ?

Eventually she does not listen to everybody telling her to take the child to doctor considering the amount of bleeding. Instead she buries the gash in cold cream and turmeric. Six days later goes to a doctor ( for an unrelated reason ) who tears a strip of these "educated parents" and out comes the gooey mess with some hair - p..a...i..n..f...u...l..l..y.. for the child. Me thinks she was lucky the child did not go into septic shock ! The turmeric did its job I think.

And the ending - "I was so glad they did not have to shave her hair in that area or need stitches , it would have looked ugly ! " (??). Did not realize hair could not grow back!

10. The "logical" type

Mom buys only 2.5 inches spindly heels for her baby - says she looks very cute with them ... and wonders why her daughter falls down so often when playing running games ... ???

11. The "worry wart" type 
Who agonizes over every decision, thinks, re-thinks and thinks again ....until it becomes a truly tortuous torture and ties herself into mental knots ! :) What ??? You don't recognize me ? :)
Yours truly ! ;)

By no means is this list exhaustive! :) And in case you wondering - these are all true.

Empathy

Empathy - Magic bullet to cure all problems !

Is that an eye-catching title ? Or more like a silly way to catch attention to something like a sale ? Never mind ! :) As a Mom  of a school going child .. one thinks perennially about schooling / classes / tuition / education system / school boards / subjects and the like.

And while there are so many things one learns in school and so many things that get 'unlearnt' - like the joy of learning while pursuing marks - I feel that if there is one thing that I could add to the syllabus - I would add the teaching and learning of empathy.

Now this does not sound very earth shaking does it ? But it would bring about a paradigm shift in the thinking process and the way life itself is handled.

Why empathy ?

• For one thing is is not wishy-washy like sympathy.
• Secondly it involves some amount of imagination and courage. It makes us go beyond ourselves and into the shoes of the person across whom we are sitting.
• It is more than conscience too.
• It is not connected with religion at all. So no dogmas need follow.

Yes all other moral values like - honesty, compassion, discipline, contentment ( vs avarice ), industriousness , respect for others etc are good but I would think empathy is at the root of all these values.

Think about it -

• If the creator of the Ponzi scheme was empathetic - he may not have ended up looting the life savings of so many old retired people. He/She would have understood the devastation that loss would bring about.
• Domestic violence would not be an issue b'cos the person involved would understand the physical and mental pain the victim would feel.
• Women complaining about the glass ceiling and discrepancy in wages for the same work would be heard with an open mind.
• Dowry deaths especially the heinous burning would be a thing of the past.
• We would perhaps switch to "Ahimsa Silk" so as to not kill the millions of silk worms for our usage. Ditto with animal furs...
• Child Abuse would make the person feel so abhorrent that it would not come to play at all ....
• Human trafficking - what is that ? :)
• We would have fire escapes that work, more water works in villages where women have to go miles for water, roads that don't vanish in monsoons, teenagers who think it is great to weave around aging trucks with no power steering more circumspect.
• Who would there be to teach a guy to walk into a railway station and fire bullets into unsuspecting people ?
• Nobody would wake up after an operation with a wrong missing body part.

... And so on ......

Empathy -  would lead to being more responsible. More open to negotiations. Not just expecting without taking responsibility. Ameliorating problematic situations. It would make us better humans. And therein lies the crux.

Writing and Musing ...

It has been a long gap. I have not taken time to write a blog post for eons. It is definitely not b'cos I lack ideas but sometimes ideas are like butterflies - hard to pin down. And who in their right mind would want to pin down butterflies ? :)

I have this habit of of jotting my ideas everywhere ! On little bits of paper , mostly from old envelopes or pamphlets that come inside the newspaper - just my little bit to help reduce paper wastage. Or on my textbook wrappers :) Of course the problem is once I finish reading that textbook - the ideas go along with the textbook wrapper ! :)

I can already hear the clamor - get Evernote already ! And I do have Evernote on my phone - but I get so damn tired to typing on my phone ! Whether it is the 3*9 keyboard format or the regular typing keypad - I think typing on a phone is really terrible. I am a 10-finger typist - so typing on a laptop or scribbling on a piece of paper is any-day preferable to inputting on the phone. Again there is of course an answer to that - I could use the typepad that can take in my handwriting ! Or the speech to note option .. see ?? Guess I just prefer to scribble on bits of paper ! :) To this - I can always have a mini-notepad handy ! I do manage to keep the most important pieces in my drawer , which is a jumble of dusty odds and ends.

The way I look at this simple chaos is - If the same topic keeps knocking on my brain many times , it takes shape almost unconsciously writes itself. So that topic has to make through the first pass from just a few thoughts floating around my brain in a vague way to something concrete that generates a mind map ! Lately I find that many topics have died under this discern barrier that I maintain and so to some extent while I classify my blog as a slow-blog -I think I will allow some amount of spontaneity to creep in too. [ Now how is that for impulse? ] Not all mind maps are created equal so while some topics do touch a chord, many do not ! That is a risk one takes.

I also feel the need to be in the mood to write ! :) From the time I remember I have been writing ( hey no giving my brick bats for the quality of my writing ... I know there are vast areas for improvement ) stories while in school, diaries and I maintained many .... and letters .. I was a mean letter writer. I used to send pages and pages to my penpals .. who were prolific writers themselves ... 20-26 pages per letter was the norm ! And when whittled down to the serious writers, I had about 20 pen pals with whom I corresponded regularly through out my college days. :) It got to a stage where I started using tissue-thin onion paper to write since paying for the postage of those thick volumes was becoming too much for my student budget ! :)

Getting back to this post - I am writing as I am thinking ! Something I used to do more often before and now do so mainly when replying to mails of friends. The downside of this are many but I am not going to get into that - otherwise this post will never be published ! :)