Most parents when asked; tell that they want their kids to be independent. I wonder ..... what does independence mean ?
Financial Independence ? Emotional independence , Religious independence ?
When a child emotionally declares he/she prefers to spend more time with say the father - the mother immediately sulking is something I have seen too many times [ "After all I have done" .... is the oft heard wail ]. Isn't this is a barrier to emotional growth ??
A child questions - regarding the job, career or lack thereof [ :) ] - taking offence does not help.
In fact even for routine queries I have been told not to say "I don't know" because it reduces my authority !! I cannot say I understand this - I know I am not a know-it-all .. [ I prefer leaving this job to google !! :) ]. And I would prefer to explore the answer with my baby .... and common there are so many questions that I just cannot answer ..... if I curb this am I not impeding the child's intellectual freedom ??
Our children should earn and stand on their own feet. But if this involves making a lot of credit purchases and falling into a debt spiral - do we think that a child should learn from his/her mistakes or bail out the child again and again ? [ The child here is a legal adult but when is a child not a child to its parents ? Aaah yes .. when paying for our medical bills !!! :)) ]
Independence to decide on a life partner - an acquaintance was askance at the thought that having a girl child in the US who is independent might open the possibility of having a black [ have no idea what the politically correct term is now !! ] son-in-law .... !!!
Imagine a child choosing to change religions ( for any reason ) .. how many parents would like that and can support that ?
And the list goes on
- When a girl decides on the kind of dresses she wears ( for guys too ... but on a lesser level )
- When a guy decides to do some RJing instead of focusing on CET .......
- Choice of geographical area to settle
This is not restricted to a home environment alone ... Ever a submitted a proposal to your boss only to find that all the boss likes are the full stops and commas and sometimes not even that ? :)) Where is the independence here ?
A bird is taught by the parents to fly and yet when it flies the nest why does the resentment come in ? We may find that we cannot live with the choices made .....
So when I hear "I want my child to be independent" I also hear the caveat -
As long as he/she makes choices per my idea of what a a proper choice is .. and that is not independence at all .... it is mere conformity to a parent's ideals ......
While I am not immune to this phenomenon ... for now .... I think perhaps I should allow my child to jump in puddles more often ..... :)) That is also a type of choice right ?
