Showing posts with label Hope. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Hope. Show all posts

All time favorite books ...

Reading is a personal journey and if it is really good an odyssey that brings joy, knowledge, a sense of wonder and imagination and of course entertainment.

There's a stage when reading coalesces into something that is more than the sum of the whole. I have definitely not reached this stage. It is going to take a long time before my reading will help me intuit across different genres of reading material.

Right now my reading is still like a reading within a silo bin. I am yet to see cross connections between my reading finance, science, tech, fiction, biology, physics, math, self help etc books. It is the glimmer of wisdom that drives one on. It is my vice.

Still there are some books that stand out and right now with my reading still in infancy according to me - they reflect the same. Nevertheless wisdom can come from the most simple words (koans anyone?) or even an early reader book. I do not belong to the supercilious group that thinks wisdom comes only from philosophy ! Ultimately, deep thinking is what brings wisdom and that can be done even without books !

These books made an impact in my early reading journey. Perhaps I was very impressionable then because while I have read many more books after that I have not added many to this list.

So here goes. In no particular order --

Non-fiction books


1. The 7 habits of highly effective people by Stephen Covey

This book made me come back to reading non-fiction. At that time I had had enough of reading shallow pop psychology books with their cookie cutter answers to everything in sight. They were not true non-fiction and their 'this-solution-fits-all-problems' of life, as if life were a single and simple mathematical construct; annoyed me no end. I had figuratively put my hands in the air and given up finding worthwhile non-fiction! I knew I was definitely not ready to read heavy philosophical tomes either.

Then this book was recommended to me. I was skeptical - I had been burned many times before but I decided to give it a shot. And I did not regret it.

Finally !!! A book that made sense. A book that did not give formulaic answers to the problems in life. Instead it gives you a philosophical framework to work within. All the 7 tenets make sense and they are timeless. The first 3 habits address the individual. The next 3 are interpersonal. And the last one is about self-renewal. The circle of influence vs the circle of concern, the 4 quadrants - to identify goals that are worth pursuing, emotional bank account  - topics that are enduring and relevant.

The line that resonated the most was "Love is a verb". What use is love that does not show itself in loving actions to the beloved? What use are empty words that only talk of feelings not held up by actions?

If I were to write the synopsis here I think I would end up regurgitating the entire book. Better to go and read the book instead !

My take: A must read - bar any qualifications. 

2. The Road Less Traveled by Scott Peck

"Life is difficult" - First line of this the iconic book. I was hooked. In a culture where everything is looked at through rose-colored glasses and denial is paramount, this line was refreshing.

Self-control, self-discipline, delay of gratification are the corner stones of Dr Peck's brand of philosophy.  The roles of responsibility,  truth, important role of parents, suffering and empathy are well elucidated in the book. What stands out however is - the journey from facing one's problems to a path of grace - spiritual growth.

The most important section in the book is on Love (seems like a recurring thread eh ?). He clearly enlightens that love is not dependency, self-sacrifice, sensation or being-in-love.

According to Dr Peck -

"Love is the will to extend one’s self for the purpose of nurturing one’s own or another’s spiritual growth."

In the section on Love - one description of marital problems stood out.

To quote -

"A common and traditionally masculine marital problem is created by the husband who, once he is married, devotes all his energies to climbing mountains and none to tending to his marriage, or base camp, expecting it to be there in perfect order whenever he chooses to return to it for rest and recreation without his assuming any responsibility for its maintenance."

"An equally common and traditionally feminine marital problem is created by the wife who, once she is married, feels that the goal of her life has been achieved. To her the base camp is the peak. She cannot understand or empathize with her husband’s need for achievements and experiences beyond the marriage and reacts to them with jealousy and never-ending demands that he devote increasingly more energy to the home."

"Male and female both must tend the hearth and both must venture forth."

The entire section on Love is amazing but this description of marriage was superb.

My take: A must read - bar any qualifications (but of course - I am writing about my favorite books after all). 

3. Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance by Robert Pirsig

I have not yet read much straight forward philosophy. So I am yet to read the books by philosophers - Kant, Schopenhauer, Descartes, Socrates, Foucault, Nietzsche or the Vedas, Upanishads, Gita etc . I do have them in my TBR pile but no idea when I will get to them.

So for me this is a difficult book to condense because each reading of the book makes me think very differently. I had a tough time reading this book. The first 2 times I read a few pages and chucked it aside. The 3rd time (after 1.5 years) - it took me 6 months to finish reading it. And it was the only non-fiction book I was reading then. You see the book is a thinking book. A deep thinking book. (Considering the author went insane thinking about these philosophical investigations it is no wonder.) One goes back and forth in the narrative of a motorcycle trip to reacquaint oneself with one's thoughts.

It is a fictionalized autobiography of the author who is mentally ill.  At the end of the book it is revealed that he is subjected to electric shock therapy and his personality changes. However he sees the same behavior in his son Chris and realizes that his son could end up like him. (Chris gets institutionalized too).

Phaedrus is the part of the author that delves into the philosophical questions about quality and life in general. Phaedrus talks about the metaphysics of quality and the entire narrative is about quality and how to approach it. He considers quality as something that cannot be defined completely but must be experienced. The two approaches to life and quality are the "romantic" - which focus on the moment and the "rational" - which look at details, try to understand the workings and try to make rational analysis. In the end he tries to integrate the subjective and objective views of quality into a holistic view.

I re-read this book about 5 years ago and once again its philosophical underpinnings transcend the everyday chaos of life. To me it is a book to philosophy that does not make my head hurt and and yet is not shallow. And in the end it makes me think beyond every day concerns.

What stood out for me -

“Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance” should “in no way be associated with that great body of factual information relating to orthodox Zen Buddhist practice. It’s not very factual on motorcycles either.”

“Blind alley, though. If someone’s ungrateful and you tell him he’s ungrateful, okay, you’ve called him a name. You haven’t solved anything.”

My take: A must read - if you want to delve into an approachable way to philosophy - especially western philosophy.

Those are my non-fiction favorites - they have stood the test of time and I always look forward to adding more to the list. 

Fiction books


This can devolve into writing many many but I will restrict myself to list only a few that have influenced me into opening up my mental perspectives. The craft of story telling is amazing and a good story is a joy by itself. So those I will list separately on some other day perhaps.

1. Calvin and Hobbes - Yes this is a comic strip ! But some of the most profound thoughts come from this precocious recalcitrant 6-year old with a stupendous (if you have read Calvin you will get this pun!) vocabulary.

Calvin: “Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in
the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us.”

Mrs. Wormwood: "What state do you live in?"
Calvin: "Denial."

Calvin: I’m yet another resource-consuming kid in an overpopulated planet, raised to an alarming extent by Madison Avenue and Hollywood, poised with my cynical and alienated peers to take over the world when you’re old and weak. Am I scary, or what?

Calvin: Everybody seeks happiness! Not me, though! That’s the difference between me and the rest of the world. Happiness isn’t good enough for me! I demand euphoria!

I think though Bill Watterson's (The creator of Calvin and Hobbes) finest quote was this  - 

“Creating a life that reflects your values and satisfies your soul is a rare achievement. In a culture that relentlessly promotes avarice and excess as the good life, a person happy doing his own work is usually considered an eccentric, if not a subversive. Ambition is only understood if it’s to rise to the top of some imaginary ladder of success. Someone who takes an undemanding job because it affords him the time to pursue other interests and activities is considered a flake. A person who abandons a career in order to stay home and raise children is considered not to be living up to his potential — as if a job title and salary are the sole measure of human worth.

You’ll be told in a hundred ways, some subtle and some not, to keep climbing, and never be satisfied with where you are, who you are, and what you’re doing. There are a million ways to sell yourself out, and I guarantee you’ll hear about them.

To invent your own life’s meaning is not easy, but it’s still allowed, and I think you’ll be happier for the trouble.”

2. Pride and Prejudice / Count of Monte Cristo / Sherlock Holmes / A Tale of Two Cities   - Classics which should be read in the original form. Did not read the French original but read the English Translation for Count of Monte Cristo.

3. The Fountainhead / Atlas Shrugged - One will either love Ayn Rand or hate her; there is no in between !

4. Love Story - I started reading this book with a smirk in my mind ! Truly ! The idea that a book spanning hardly 100 pages would be eloquent and expressive of love; was something I found impossible. The reviews also indicated there were no maudlin words in the book. Mentally scoffing - I finished this book and was simply swept away.

The story itself is heartrending and poignant but never again did I underestimate the power of few words to move. I learnt that length of a book did not necessarily equate to its power.  A humbling experience for which I was truly grateful. 

Wild Hope ......

Wild Hope - when I truly understood the diagnosis,
Wild Hope - when I realized the terminal prognosis.

Wild Hope - because you hear of miracles happening everyday, everywhere ; One just needs to BELIEVE !
So ... I shush my voice of reason .. even though inside I grieve.

Wild Hope - through the slow and steady decline,
Wild Hope - because I want her to be perfect and fine !!!!

Wild Hope - even though I can see the loss of the precious person inside,
Wild Hope - even though I know that time is not on my side.

Wild Hope - through those numerous hospital trips,
Wild Hope - even as another part of her chips.

Times passes, a little battered and bruised - my wild hope is still there,
After all what is the point of wild hope even if my wish for a MIRACLE has no prayer ???

Then ...... I look into the face that had looked at me with love and joy; whose essence has now flown away,
And still that wild hope lingers - thinking everybody could be a wrong ...... but no .... not that day.

And my heart stutters ...... 'cos I knew ......... always knew it would come to this,
But that wild ...... WILD HOPE I did not want to dismiss.

Now the ashes are immersed and the prayers are said ....
I am happy she is out of pain and there are no incidents that portend slow dread.

The days come and go, time passes in  haze,
I hate knowing - music does not touch her ; neither do the sun's rays.

Life goes on - but sometimes the stoic mask is difficult to maintain,
'Cos the void left by her absence - will always remain.


RIP Mom


Just another statistic

It started with minor things .... a small mistake while cooking his favorite food , a crease in his otherwise neatly ironed shirt , a missed call from a wrong number viewed with suspicion , a slightly messed up dining table , the house not neat when he returned home , a dissatisfaction with her dress , a loathing of her shyness in social situations .... It seemed like nothing she did pleased him anymore and the more she tried the worse it got until the displeasure was displayed in physical terms and she became what she never thought she would be - a dreaded statistic - just another abused wife.

She did not go out of the house for days , the bruises were too visible. She did not know where to turn or to whom. She felt too ashamed. She had read about such things and knew that she had nothing to be ashamed of - yet a part of her felt she had asked for such treatment with her behavior. That she was not good enough to be loved. That she could not do anything right. She felt herself lacking in every department. She was a failure. The thought of telling anyone about her situation made her cringe. The thought of being pitied seemed more painful to her than her wounds. She knew .... a part of her was responsible for the way things had degenerated and living with that self-disgust made her recoil from herself.

In her more rational moments she realized that she could not be as useless as she was being told. That her worth was not directly proportional to her ability to cook or clean or talk or be glamorous. But none of that seemed to matter when she felt the cutting edge of the biting sarcasm that shredded her confidence to tatters. Or when  she faced that rage with nothing but her arms over her face ...... hoping it would just end and she would never feel any pain ever again.

She could not pin point when things had started to change - within her as well as within him. Was it when she quit her work due to the move across cities ? Was it when the years did not bring an addition to the family ? Was it when the business started to keep him more and more away from home ? She suspected perhaps it was more than business. But the beginning did not count. Once he had been her friend ... now .. she just hoped he was in a good mood when he came home and would not bother her.

As she stood at the window looking out into the sky ..... thinking of escape - she tried to understand why she was unable to muster enough courage to walk out. Why did she believe that his remorse after every episode was real and that he would not do it again ? Why asking for help from anyone seemed to hold more trauma than everything that had happened so far. With a humorless laugh - she thought of the story of the frog being slowly boiled alive. It seemed more true to her than anything else.

Why did she behave like that bird whose wings had been clipped for so long... it had not only forgotten how to fly ; it did not want to fly. The exhilaration of rushing wings had been replaced by a trepidation of the unknown dangers lurking in the air.

She wondered ...... when had hope for a better life become more terrifying than a fear for her life itself ?