Notable Books of 2023

1. Who Cares - Emily Kenway

It is not my first time being the primary long-term caregiver for a loved one, and the feelings engendered were the same as before, a sense of navigating a dark gray world within the normal one.

The normal world rushes past in a fury of future plans, upskilling, home construction, changing jobs, travel, etc. The gray world? Seemingly an endless cycle of medications, frequent doctor visits, nerve-wracking emergency dashes, anxiously awaiting crucial reports, caregiving, and... an overwhelming sense of loneliness.

I read this book on my phone, seeking a companion who understood what I was feeling and going through. I read it in the in-between snatches of time when one cannot concentrate on anything, and even reading is a chore. This was my personal diary without having to write in it. The narrative delves into the feeling of detachment, the lack of energy for self-care, the constant physical and emotional demands, the erosion of personal identity, and, at times, haunting despair.

While anyone can fall into this role at any time, women tend to bear the brunt more frequently. As the author points out, one never knows when life will demand such a disruption — be it for aging parents, a spouse, or, tragically, even a child.

The resulting upheaval brings about an existential crisis. You feel moored on a cold gray mist-filled land, seemingly screaming into the void. Although you can vaguely discern the outlines of a few people undergoing similar struggles, reaching out to them for solidarity often feels impossible.

I found the book very accurate in its depiction of caregiving, the challenges, the agony of witnessing the decline of a loved one, the evolutionary bias against people in this role, the profound love underscoring everyday tribulations, the exhaustion, and the invisibility from mainstream life.

What makes the book valuable is its coverage of potential improvements. We need a system that supports caregivers as well as those under their care. I was very lucky to work in an environment where I had the support of my colleagues and superiors. Not everyone is that lucky in their professional life. This labor should not be hidden nor left unacknowledged.

My take: Not a must read per se, but it may help understand and empathize the caregiver's role and the sacrifices inherent in such a role.

2. The Psychology of Money - Morgan Housel

This is one of the best books on money that I have read. It concentrates on the framework of becoming wealthy and not the specific means. It helps to understand oneself and how one approaches money. It is similar to taking stock of how you feel, where you are at and how you think of money and what will help in the taking the long term view.

Some very insightful nuggets -

1. Wealth is what you don't see, the unspent money that represents financial security, not the flashy purchases.

2. Get rich slowly by focusing on consistent habits and living below your means rather than chasing risky "get-rich-quick" schemes.

3. Luck and risk play a bigger role than we think in financial outcomes, which tempers the pressure to achieve overnight success.

   This especially had some very illuminating anecdotes that underscore the understanding, The perspective of a person investing during the depression era vs someone investing at a different time.

4. Compound interest is a powerful tool, but patience and a long-term perspective are key to reaping its benefits.

5. Emotions often hijack our financial decisions, so understanding our biases like fear and greed is crucial for making sound choices.

My take: A must read to help analyze your financial outlook and understand your financial decisions.

3. Being Mortal - Atul Gawande


This is my second reading of this book. This time the book hit me harder simply because of the stage of my life that I am currently in. While the book itself is heart-wrenching the question about the choices to be made when your loved one is hospitalized is something that is difficult but needs to be addressed. It is so full of moral and personal conflicts.

Some questions that come up -

- When should you draw the line for medical procedures ?

- Who will make the decisions on quality of life and usefulness of medical procedures ?

- When do you let go ?

- Should you let go ?

There are no universal right or wrong answers. Every question and answer is a journey into your faith, belief, ethics and a painful realization that nothing you choose may give your loved one succor.

My take: A must read if you want to prepare for the challenging end-of-life decisions - be it your own or that of your loved ones.

4. You're Not Listening - Kate Murphy

There are times when I feel I am living in a world of cacophony. It is an age where everyone is shouting at the top of their voices - about their accomplishments, their vacations, their promotions etc. Nothing wrong with making work and accomplishments visible but who is listening ?

With the world filled with narcissistic leaders, **is listening actually a good skill to have ?** I think it is contextual (like everything else !). There is a time to listen and there is a time to talk. But listening on the whole will help enrich any relationship.

Some of the things that caught my attention in the book are -

- How you talk to yourself affects how you hear other people.

- Your internal stance should be one of curiosity when listening.

- Listening is a continuous practice and not a mastered skill.

- It is helpful to think of listening as similar to meditation. You make yourself aware of and acknowledge distractions, then return to focus. But instead of focusing on your breathing or an image, you return your attention to the speaker.

- None of us are good listeners all the time. It’s human nature to get distracted by what’s going on in your own head. Listening takes effort.

One startling revelation is the insidious nature of hearing loss. We often miss out on subtle nuances in conversations or rely on our brain to fill in the gaps, remaining blissfully unaware until the problem becomes severe.

My take: Can read if you want to improve your listening skills.

5. Fast Like a girl - Mindy Pelz


I picked up this book because I find fasting a challenge. And having come across the term "hormonally vibrant" from one of Rujuta Diwekar's books I thought maybe I was not getting the timing of my fast right.

While the book delves into the intricacies of the hormones and their play, fasting periods juxta positioned with the cycles etc. I will zoom on my personal experience -

- Could I fast ?

  Yes - for 18-19 hours without feeling hungry. On multiple occasions. Will try the longer fasts later.

- Will it make me lose weight ?

  Don't know.

- Will it make me healthy ?

  Not sure but am hoping so.

My take: Read if the subject interests you. For people who do not prefer a book medium, the author has a youtube channel as well.

6. 5 AM Club - Robin Sharma

I hate one-size-fits-all formula type of books and personally I felt this was one of them. While a passing reference has been made to other types of schedules the only schedule that is discussed in detail is the industrial-age based schedule where the person gets off work at a predefined time and has no other work calls after that. Not realistic.

Deep Work by Cal Newport is much better even though the premise is different and he tackles three types of schedules for deep work based on the how a person works. And on the subject of habits - Atomic habits by James Clear is much much better.

I also did not find the book coherent and it had too many jargons in every chapter. The fiction part simply weakened the whole message and took up too many words.

On the whole the book felt like an overinflated magazine article.

My take: Avoid.

And still ...

 A teen's passing, sudden and stark,

A soul gone, the body left in the dark.

Though not close, the pain runs deep,

A melancholic wound that still seeps.


Unexpectedly, at odd times it stings,

A sharp pain that lingers, I guess my heart still clings.


Abyss

The heart hurts, in so much pain,
Anguish and sorrow, unable to contain.

Lost in a void, so dark and bleak,
Misery takes hold, as hope grows weak.

Lonely and mournful, a time without light,
Death by a thousand cuts, toxic people in sight.

Their words and actions, a poison that seeps,
Leaving behind wounds and scars that cut so deep.

Barren and grey, the soul forlorn,
A dark night that never sees dawn.

Empty and bereft, agony that does not abate,
Perpetual torment  the final fate.

Day by day, trapped with no way out,
A prisoner of the void, with no voice to shout.

Hopelessness consumes, an endless despair,
The black abyss is home now, desolation the only air.

Book Review - How Boards Work by Dambisa Moyo

The typical perception of boards and board meetings is of a group of privileged individuals who lounge at exotic locations and golf courses and only occasionally discuss the company's strategic direction while enjoying extravagant treats.

But this book is an eye-opener !!!

It highlights and gives a critical context to the difficulties faced by corporate boards and the ever-changing winds of change a board must navigate and maneuver through while facing these challenges.

Below are some of the topics covered in the book -

  • Globalization and protectionism, including the always-prevalent risk of confiscation of company assets.
  • The importance of diversity on the board.
  • Regional, political and legal considerations that may augur the need of local boards in the future.
  • Responsibility to society and the environment.
  • The impact of high-frequency trading on stocks and the possibility of a share-price collapse.
  • Threats from activist shareholders.
  • The CEO's role and the heated debate surrounding their pay.
  • Technology-based threats such as security and data breaches.
  • Role of Innovation in the company strategy.

This list is by no means exhaustive.

However, if you believe in the idea that;

"It is a truth universally acknowledged that anyone seeking a successful and fulfilling career must strive to become a member of a well-functioning board of directors",

then this book provides an insight into the demands a board faces and a crucial understanding of the complex skills required to get that coveted seat on a board.

It almost makes one wonder, "Hmmm, do they still find time to indulge in bonbons?"

Ref :

Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen

First line of the book -

"It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife." 

Business at the Speed of AI

Today, Artificial Intelligence(AI) plays a crucial role in shaping our online experiences, often driving them.
  • When we publish posts on LinkedIn, share blog articles, or tweet, AI algorithms review them along with the hashtags and may reshare, retweet, or add them to relevant newsfeeds.
  • Financial trading bots may act on news published by reputable financial outlets regarding a company's results.
  • Perhaps the financial article may have been written, assisted by a language model like ChatGPT, just like business proposals, formal and informal emails.
  • AI algorithms generate product recommendations, AI-powered recruitment bots screen job applications, and advertising bots target our social media usage.
  • Chatbots offer AI-based customer support, Dall-E creates product images, and AI is winning art competitions.

The reality of an AI-based neuralink is already here, and it is conceivably not incorrect to say; business is conducted at the speed of AI, not speed of human interactions.


 

8 Ruminations on the past year 2022

So what has last year made me reflect on ?

1. Life can sucker punch you at any time !!! Yes I know this but still when it happened yet again, it left me completely winded and with my head ringing ! I am yet to find my balance from the current knock out punch I have received. 



2. Schadenfreude - This person could barely keep her pleased smile from appearing on her face when she visited me (Uninvited! Bcoz of 'other' relations !). Did she think that would make me feel bad ? Nope, I know life does not leave anyone unscathed. The only difference is - your miseries may be hidden from me.  ( But I already know for this particular person !!!! ). 


3. Calling someone 'strong' is a cop out - Unless you are there to support or truly help; this is like saying - I called you strong and now my part is done thank God with no efforts whatsoever required after this. 

Some kind of checking off the list ! Of course there is a place for backing off but in general, like Robert Pirsig said - it is just calling a name, you have not solved anything. 

And don't you think I know when you cannot wait to get off the phone just in case I opportune you into helping me out when you clearly don't want to ???? 




4. My home, my castle and nobody asked your opinion - I never understand people who go to another person's house and start to criticize the house, the location, the décor, the cleanliness etc. First of all unsolicited opinions are unwelcome, second it does not increase regard, it only makes the person look crass, ill-mannered, uncouth and of terrible upbringing. That don't impress me much !!!  


5. Toxic, Tone deaf people - Snip, snip, snip - Eliminating these kind of toxic people from my life. I have always removed such people but there were couple that I kept in touch with. Part of it I think, was sinking cost fallacy and the strength of weak ties. I have come to the realization that even for weak ties I can choose better. So .. off they go out of my life.

6. Old people need to earn their respect - An old person can get consideration for their old age infirmities physically but respect ? Respect is earned. A long lived life does not necessarily equate to a well lived life ( so many parasites' out there ! ). 

Also why do people think that passing a derogatory comment about my child's upbringing the first time you meet her will make me want to please you ? It has the opposite effect. First of all it makes me wonder at how come old age has not made you nicer or wiser or even generous. It also tells me how out of touch with reality you are, desperately hanging on to your old age to claim your superiority because you have nothing else to offer. 

And unluckily for you - my child has also judged you - and knows to avoid you like a plague !!! That respect you were hankering for, definitely ain't there mate !

7. Two month deadlines - are better for short term goals, and systems are better for both short and long terms goals. Personal accountability and productivity is something I enjoy and each year it evolves. This year I will be trying out this way for the things I want to do.

8. Living forwards and backwards  - Living forwards - I still have my goal to keep working till 75 at least like the chairman of Persistent Systems; Anand Deshpande said we women should aspire to in his talk with us in Pune. Living backwards - On the other hand I think I am closer to the end than to the beginning of my life so I value my time more. Obviously I have no idea of my future life span. 

What it does translate into is that - I chuck books that don't hold my interest, I no longer watch videos that don't grab my attention, I don't spend energy on things for the sake of impressing anyone but most of all - I no longer have a bucket list. I consider myself very lucky - be it travel, sports adventures, work that I like, sabbatical, friends, relatives, life experiences in general. I no longer feel the need to have a bucket list. I am blessed. And that is a good feeling. Does that mean I will not seek out new experiences ? No but it does mean I no longer am bound to a list of things I need to accomplish to feel fulfilled.

Here's to another year of life and its vagaries.