Book Review - Lean In - Sheryl Sandberg

I don't know why I passively resisted reading this book but I did. I had heard the TED talk first and for some reason felt the book would be a  list of To-Dos which would never be achievable in the real world. Sounds uncharitable to have jumped to that conclusion. The TED talk is good and the points she mentions are true and yet I put off reading the book ! I am glad I finally read it.

So - what stands out for me in the book ?

1 -- The fact that she admits to having doubts, fear, worry and is not effortlessly confident all the time. It is the kind of vulnerability that I find myself astonished she would admit ! 

That a person like her has self-doubts and is unsure makes me feel - it is okay not to have all the answers. This is what drew me in and what made me continue reading. The book was not formulaic and the candid tone was refreshing.

2 -- The “Tiara Syndrome” !! 

In her own words -  it is where women “expect that if they keep doing their jobs well, someone will notice them and place a tiara on their head.”  Performance in school [ where the Tiara Syndrome is perpetuated I feel ] especially for girls is not always indicative of how well they will do in their careers. Especially the road to the executive office.

3 -- An internal report at Hewlett-Packard revealed that women only apply for open jobs if they think they meet 100 percent of the criteria listed. Men apply if they think they meet 60 percent of the requirements. 

I have seen this and am not surprised by the report but it bears re-iterating.

4 -- The way women leave before they actually leave. 

So many decisions based on "What-if" situations that are years away - be it marriage or children or elder care. The years before having a family are the time to work hard. I think her idea that  professional women measure the cost of child care against their future salary rather than their current salary - would ensure the years leading to family responsibility are not frittered away.

All in all a very good book that I would definitely recommend reading. 

Other snippets that I found informative and worth mentioning are listed below.

• A 2011 McKinsey report noted that men are promoted based on potential, while women are promoted based on past accomplishments.

• Fear is at the root of so many of the barriers that women face. Fear of not being liked. Fear of making the wrong choice. Fear of drawing negative attention. Fear of overreaching. Fear of being judged. Fear of failure. And the holy trinity of fear: the fear of being a bad mother/wife/daughter.

• Women, feel fraudulent when they are praised for their accomplishments. Instead of feeling worthy of recognition, they feel undeserving and guilty, as if a mistake has been made. Despite being high achievers, even experts in their fields, women can’t seem to shake the sense that it is only a matter of time until they are found out for who they really are—impostors with limited skills or abilities.

• We consistently underestimate ourselves.

• When a woman fails, she is more likely to believe it is due to an inherent lack of ability.

• Career progression often depends upon taking risks and advocating for oneself—traits that girls are discouraged from exhibiting.

• Success and likeability are positively correlated for men and negatively correlated for women.

• He said that when you want to change things, you can’t please everyone. If you do please everyone, you aren’t making enough progress. Mark was right.

• I realized that searching for a mentor has become the professional equivalent of waiting for Prince Charming !!! LOL ..

• I don’t know any woman who feels comfortable with all her decisions.

• Like me, most of the women I know do a great job worrying that we don’t measure up.

• Every job will demand some sacrifice. The key is to avoid unnecessary sacrifice.

• A task "Done is better than perfect".

• The right question is not “Can I do it all?” but “Can I do what’s most important for me and my family?”

And lastly ...

If society truly valued the work of caring for children, companies and institutions would find ways to reduce these steep penalties and help parents combine career and family responsibilities.