A new beginning .... or is it a full circle ?

Prelude : 

When I was in ........ [ Quick Observation - Don't many boring stories begin this way ??! ;) ] Indianapolis - I met a lady who was resolving some issues on my computer in the office and it took a while. We seemed to reach a friendly rapport and I found myself bemused with the kind of questions I asked her and her replies. [ They were so personal for a first chat - as it later occurred to me ].

For one thing - this was the time I was wondering if I should consider having a child once I was back in India. To me this was  not a light decision - it was a matter of a lifestyle change and obviously a mindset too. IMO it would not be fair to the child if I was not prepared for the adjustments and the sense of responsibility.

She simply said "Being a parent is a lifelong commitment, it does not end once they grow up. I have 3 children and they have children and yet I don't stop worrying about them ! ". Well ..... hmm this was something that had not occurred to me.

I then went on to her career and she astounded me when she said she had taken a 23 year break from her work and then reinvented herself and was employed now. She said that she had enjoyed the time with her children and she enjoyed having to learn new things once she was back in the job market and although the journey was not always easy - she was happy with her choices.

We chatted some more and while all my subsequent meetups with her were enjoyable the first talk really made an impression on me. Especially the part about being a parent forever ! :)

However I also realized I admired her for getting into the job market again after that kind of a long break. It definitely would not have been easy. As I discovered myself there is a bias when you come to the job market from a family related break. It does not matter whether it is fair or not - it is something that just is and needs to be acknowledged and handled.

Sabbatical : 

Anyway as life moved on -  I had a child - decided to take a break - initially was not sure if I wanted a 3 year break or shorter or longer but many readings I did around that time said - that the best formative years to be with the child were 0 - 8 years - so I did that.

I did my distance MBA after year 5 - took finance and marketing. And then when it seemed like my daughter needed less on-hand time [ emotionally she still needs me and her father too of course ] and preferred being with her circle of friends more - it looked like working was something I could now definitely go back to.

Job Hunting : 

And then the realities of the job markets - I would get many many pitches from job consultants who would back off once they knew I had come back to the job market from a break. One lady asked - Why was I even thinking of coming back ?? :)  I could never understand why they did not bother to read the headline of my CV - I was very very clear that I was coming back from a break and was looking at second innings.

All in all - I finally applied only to two jobs. One I had been called by the company and another was a link sent by my friend who had seen my status in facebook ! :) The first one - I called and checked that they knew I was coming after a break and when I was assured they knew - I went for the interview - only to get a rude shock. The person who was interviewing me clearly had not expected my break and although he spoke nicely, the bottom line was - they did not want me. I was very annoyed - not that they did not interview me - but that in spite of being clear on my CV they wasted my entire day !!

Friends' reactions to my job hunting - ranged from disbelief, encouragement,  to a quiet pity that I would never get a job ! ;)  LOL ..... Other than a couple of them - most friends for all their personal opinions were supportive.

On the whole I did not mind [ I AM realistic ] - Yes I would prefer to enter the corporate world again but that did not mean other avenues were closed.

Interview : 

The link sent by my friend was a linkedin url and I applied. After telephonic screening I was asked to come in person. And then to my astonishment the first person who I was to meet was the CEO of the company ! LOL - I was definitely taken aback. I called HR and they confirmed the same. As I was to later comprehend, the diversity initiative was his drive - and hence he was actively involved. [ He has since then moved on to  US within the same company and is now no longer the CEO of the Indian unit ] 

After his queries when he asked me if I had any questions; of course I had !!! After all how often would I get to ask questions of a CEO ? :)

Then came the technical round and couple more rounds. On skype I had the final call with my current manager and then got the offer letter.

First day : 

First day at my job was almost like a deja vu. The cubicles, the AC , the quiet hum of computers , the adjusting of the seat height and  the access cards ! It almost felt like the years had melted away and I was merely joining a new project ! I liked my colleagues and I joined at the right time ! One week later we went on a team outing where we played many team games that definitely broke the ice altogether ! :)

;)

Breaking the news : 

Tough times or times when you are not entirely sure of what the future holds do give you a better understanding of who truly are your friends. Reactions ranged from happiness for me to "Ok ok" over whatsapp !! As you can understand the "Ok ok" person has been relegated to "Don't bother" category ! ;) LOL ... Another friend was happy to come at meet me at my office !! :) I was happy too !! :)

What now ?

I don't know the future and I am taking things as they come ! :) There are of course different challenges now - the eternal work-life balance, how to be with my child, logistics of baby care etc :) Will probably be asking tips from "Both working" couples ! :)

I called up an aunt - the one who had supported me with a few words during my break; that I had made the right choice for me and never mind the nay sayers. She was pleased and happy for me.

In the final analysis that is what makes a difference - if you are given the same choices again - would you choose the same thing ? I know I would - so I am happy with the choices I have made and I am happy life has worked out to give me a chance at working in the area I prefer.

I have not said much about the support given to me by my spouse  and my child - simply because even the job hunting may have been a non-action item if they had not backed me !!! :)

I am also happy with the friends I have, since that all-too-important link was given by a friend who cared enough to respond to my fb rant !!!! ;)

It's a new beginning .. a path traversed before and yet .. different this time around ...

The "dreaded" small talk

First of all - I don't really "dread" small talk. Perhaps it is because I do not attend innumerable parties to suffer from this particular ennui ! :)

I personally view it as an art - and the best test is when one is able to keep a few people from disparate backgrounds engaged in a reasonably lively conversation. And that is not effortless !!!!  Try getting a group like that - to be at ease with one another !

A good "small talk" should make people comfortable with each other, introduce varied subjects, include everybody as far as possible and not delve too deep into any issue. The idea is to explore and enjoy - yes enjoy !

Strangely enough I have not found many people good at small talk.

For e.g. -  That marketing guy - who ends up giving a strident monologue to a group which is currently resenting being unable to get a word in side ways. But he thinks he is great at breaking ice !! :)

Or that person who has innumerable friends but cannot keep the conversation ball rolling at all !! Me thinks his friends are acquaintances based on mutually shared things-to-do and once that activity is over - hey there is nothing to talk about !!


Then there is the other variety - which does not know what to do when you accept an invite to their party / home-warming etc. Conversation is non-existent ! LOL - Talk about awkward !

And so on .....

So why am I talking about it ? It is a form of communication and people who are great at communication excel at "small talk" too. After all it is an ice-breaker and if networking is your thing - small talk is required. [ Although networking does involve more than small talk ]

I would think the following viewpoints about small talk can make the "dreaded" feeling go away.

1.  It is an initial step into a journey unknown - Either a person can end up a friend or an acquaintance or "just avoid" category. Subsequent forays just help the differentiation.

2. Keeps the conversation ball rolling - If one is especially good at this - it can keep the conversation moving from topic to topic and one can get to hear different opinions and may end up in lively discussions if one is lucky !!!!.

3. Opinions of people from diverse backgrounds - Self explanatory I would think. 

4. Non-political and non-confrontational - Small talk by its nature is not supposed to include radical topics. So one does not have to protect one's turf  in opinion wars ! :) Less pressure and relaxing; perhaps even enlivening hmm ?

See ? Isn't that a better way to view it ? A step into an uncharted territory .........

I am aware I have not touched the cons of small talk - which include - lying, untrue opinions, disinterest etc. But then those are the things that make the topic "dreaded" and I was viewing the positive aspects of it !

Education == Career is a lopsided equation

I was asked by a C-suite person - How were my friends similar to me faring in the job scenario ? I was a little bemused by the question 'coz I realized at that time I did not know any woman wanting to get back into the corporate scene especially after the kind of break I have taken - 8 years ! :)

I have never been one of those people who think that women do not matter the minute they do not earn especially if they have been educated. I firmly believe contribution comes in various forms and the equation Education == Career ( solely counting rungs of the ladder climbed ) views only one aspect of it. To be sure, being financially independent is great and does give a lot of choice and a feeling of empowerment but I have never run down women who take a break or don't take a break. What works for each person / family is different.

Personal choices aside - bringing up a child to be a good citizen is not something that should be looked down upon or taken for granted. Still there are a whole host of people out there who believe "children grow by themselves" and if a woman is educated and does not work - it is a waste educating her. Yes, I have been told this in various forms including by one elder person who honestly should have known better considering how much of life he has seen. Never mind !!!

Getting back to the question - I reeled off ..........

I answered that friends who have taken a break from a formal career - are doing different things now or are entrepreneurs -

• One had opened a book shop, has developed soft skills modules which are being integrated into the Diploma curriculum across the state, has worked with teen suicide helpline and and ....... does so many things I cannot keep track of them since they are so varied ! :) She is now on her latest entrepreneurial venture which will be open soon.

• This friend has opened a pre-school, is being advised by ISB which had chosen her as a part of group of women entrepreneurs within a certain criteria. Prior to this she volunteered in Doorstep school - a school for migrant children.

• Many friends have turned to teaching - be it as Montessori teachers, Primary school teachers. Maths coaching or even a Language teacher.

• Another friend works with differently-abled children and organizes events for them

• In the next circle of acquaintances - some one is into jewellery design, another into saree design, one has opened a toy library, another lady is a fashion designer.

And so ........ I was aware I had not really answered the question since I did not know anyone in the same boat as I was in but I did realize - I have diverse set of friends none of whom are looking at getting back to the formal ladder !!!! ;) 

As an aside - if I were to expand to the next degree [ Six degrees of separation anyone ? ] - I will come across women involved in organic manure, dog training, costume dresses, designer kids clothing, beautician, pastry baking, counselling special kids, webdesign freelancing, book lending library and elder care!

Parent Teacher Meeting - A gladiator ring

Parenting is no easy job and I feel there is no better place to view this anxiety and concern than at a parent teacher meeting. I always come from any such session feeling completely bemused ! :)

A gladiator ring with many participants is what comes to mind when I attend one ! :)

So ....

• One set of parents are annoyed that there is too much homework and another wants extra homework in holidays too !! :) Seriously ?!!!

• Someone says there is too much writing in the class and another says the school should have weekly essays so the children can improve their handwriting ! 

• One set of parents are so anxious about marks that they want every single question that can possibly come in the exam - written and thoroughly drilled over and over again into the kid ... and another set complains no end about how much the school emphasises academics !

• Checking spelling in the test paper causes anguish - after all the kids do lose marks in this endeavour of learning to write correctly. Can it not be eliminated ? Justification is that .. hey spell check is every where. 

I envisage a future --- "their" or "there" - both are perfectly fine and can be used interchangeably ! ;) The poor kid does not know any better after all !!! But I am wrong I realise -- I mean in sms lingo - it will be 'thr' after all so why worry ? :)

          

• An entire group of parents bemoaned how they do not know Marathi words and asked the teacher to ensure the kids jotted down word meanings so that the parents could understand what was being taught in the class !!! Ha ha ha .. this made me itch to say - Get a Marathi - English dictionary people ... problem solved !! :) 

• We all believe our children are Einstein, Picasso and Mozart rolled in one - so this dazzling array of talent has to be displayed (for each child)  in the school concert of 30 minutes ! :)

• It does not matter how the school infrastructure is - there will always be parents for whom the sunlight is not bright enough or the rain is not wet enough ! ;)

• And let us not forget eating !!! The talk goes like this - children should eat their food and so the teacher should check their lunch boxes daily but but but .... they are to learn to make the choice to eat healthy food given to them [ Err when ?] ! :)  You know what happens right ? The food goes down the toilet ! Literally !

The list goes on and on .... 

And so while I listen to these contradictory demands - I wonder if internally the teachers have the following thoughts in mind ! :)

Book Review - Proof of Heaven: A Neurosurgeon's Journey into the Afterlife

The problem with reading someone else's Near Death Experience (NDE) is that you want answers to your questions and of course you do not get them ! :) That about sums up my frustration with the book.

However cannot blame the author for this ! Isn't this inability to adequately describe the experience part of NDE stories ? Every time ? Most of the stories say the same thing - that it is impossible to communicate just how loved and cherished one feels in the utopia land !

I picked up this book for a change of pace. I have been reading only business books of late it seemed like so I wanted something very very different and this caught my eye. First of all - a neurosurgeon ? And NDE - felt like a perfect combination.

The main idea of this book is that each and everyone of us is loved. Truly loved by the divine.
( Call it what you will ).

Hmmmmm okay I guess.

I have read the scientific explanations of what NDE means and that it is, simplistically put - a phenomenon of the brain itself. I personally prefer to keep an open mind about this topic. So I have no need to rip into the author's theory of why his experience is special ! :) And I have no need to argue if NDEs are true or not !

In the book the author goes into coma for 7 days due to bacterial meningitis and recovers completely with no after effects and his thinking abilities are intact ! Amazing really ! He explains that in his brain - the neocortex that controls the cognitive part of the brain is dead so his experience is not a figment of imagination ( as that part of the brain switched off during his coma ! ) ; so his experience is unique.

I have no argument about the experience itself. I just found, it was not too very different from any other NDE story. I did feel that - he got no answers ( other than being told he was loved ) and his story about his recovery was unexplained.

• From what he wrote I thought the E. Coli bacteria physically ate part of his brain. What happened to that ?
• Are all his cognitive abilities intact ? So was he able to get back to his practice ?
• And, did he finally understand where he picked up the E. Coli bacteria from ?

I also could not understand the author's fixation with his birth family. Really !!!! Here is this lucky guy ( born to a teen mother ) who has been brought up by a family where he is loved, taken care of, goes on to become a neurosurgeon and he is pining for his birth family to an extent that he feels depressed for a time. Jeez why ???? Seemed ungrateful to me !

While he mentions different realms and myriad dimensions and that evil is a minuscule part of the entire universe the explanation somehow lacked conviction and felt incomplete.

My 2 cents - this is an emotional writing about an NDE experience but does not give adequate proof of heaven as the title suggests.

I better look for other books for a change of pace ! :)

Of jeans, ribbons ... and baby girls

 To a large extent I consider - jeans and a simple T-shirt the perfect attire. Oh I don't begrudge the saree its place as the ultimate elegant apparel or the skirt-suits their office appeal or the usefulness of a salwar-kurta. Still my go-to attire tends to be predominantly jeans ...

And into my life came - a daughter ! :) I understood two truths almost immediately ...

• While my dressing sense was a more or less indifferent, be-comfortable, on-the-go kind of fashion accident - I found I was more thoughtful with my daughter's clothes. Not only from an utility perspective but from a sartorial viewpoint too.

• I probably had only 12 years in which I could dress her up to my heart's content b'cos the truth is, she is most likely going to go around in torn / patched up jeans and gothic tees later on ! :)

Well - it turned out to be even shorter than that. 8 years only ! :)


I am now saying bye to those bunch of colourful, glitzy and multi-hued ribbons, those swirling fizzy skirts and bright flashy hair pins.  Glittery bangles / bracelets, vivid bow-tie hair-bands, innumerable flower adornments in all shapes and sizes are lying idle.

I did not devote much time on shoes / sandals since I firmly believe in a no-high-heels policy for children so the selection tended to be quick.

I learnt couple more hair styles than the ubiquitous French braid - it is now an unused skill !!

All in all - I think I spent more time in the girl's section for clothes, accessories and the like than I ever spent on my wedding regalia ! Ha ha ha ....

Today's reality -

• She does her own hair [ on holidays ]. She is in too much of a hurry to allow me it seems. So although the messy, bumpy hairstyle with many loose strands makes me wince I allow her to go to play in that ... She is proud of her creation after all ! :)

• Her favourite attire is a dress that I had had made from old scraps on a whim !!! 

• My neighbour's teen has a better idea of what is a 'cool ensemble' than I do. I am has-been in this department.

• She tells me couple of girls in her school worry that they are fat and do not eat well and asks me if she should do the same. [ Shocking !! ]

And a hint of more changes to come

• When I take her pics now - she makes crazy faces or has specific poses  !  Says - all I do is click very boring pictures of her smiling all the time ! 

• Listening to me - is now an optional activity ! :) In a sweet-steamroller-way - she merrily continues what she is doing ! 

• Admonishes me - "Mama, you told me to focus on the positive first , so how come when I showed you what I had done - you focused on the mistake first ? How come ??? " - Guilty as charged ...

All changes point to one thing - I need new skills to navigate these shifting sands ! :)

Key Learnings from - How Children Succeed - Paul Tough

I have made a ppt of the key notes ( if that is what you prefer to read ) from this book which can be found at this link -
How children succeed - Key Learnings.

I personally feel that much of the wisdom distilled in this book is common sense. However .... to quote
 "If common sense were all that common - we would all have it !!! "    :)

And so ... here goes ....

First of all - I expected the book to be a sort of manual on - How to 'make' children succeed ! The author in his wisdom - shared only details of how children succeed but not any specific tools ! :) My bad ! :)

Anywayz ..... I finished as fast as I could - I was so eager to read it since I had heard of it - in June 2013. I tend to be a slow reader where non-fiction is concerned. I write up the notes ( okay now I highlight ! ;) ) , re-read sections and in general seem to make a study of the book rather than reading. [ And yet - not all points remain in mind ;) ]

Most of the things that I felt were note-worthy in this book are based on two premises

• Good parenting has an effect that is not just emotional but also physiological. It literally alters brain patterns – especially in early childhood.

• Character matters. It is not just the IQ but EQ. 

Let me first focus on parental behaviour and nurturing.

• "The effect of good parenting is not just emotional or psychological, the neuroscientists say; it is biochemical". 

Long ago I had learnt that there were no perfect parenting models. I cannot recall where exactly I read this but what impressed me most about that message was that it asked parents not to worry that they were not perfect. That many parenting-mistakes-or-lapses could all be overcome with demonstrative love towards the children. It was a measure of reassurance.

This book reiterates the same albeit with more drastic evidence. It says that hardships create changes in the physiology of the child.

"Adversity during childhood can cause changes in the prefrontal cortex which is the center of self-regulatory activities. This kind of damage can last a lifetime - making it difficult for children to concentrate and to handle emotional disappointments."

And yet .... Even this kind of impairment can be alleviated with high quality mothering. Warm nurturing can act as a buffer against the biochemical damages stress can inflict on a child. Amazing I thought !!!

So .... although you may like showing flash cards, don't forget to be more attentive towards your children. Listen to them, respond to their emotional needs, comfort them, hug them, talk to them.

Paying full attention when the child is speaking or during a game of Jenga can make profound difference for a child's future prospects. It makes them more self-reliant and creates a "secure base" from which they can explore the world.

• "Under-parenting is harmful but so is over-parenting."

While under-pareting clearly creates stress which is not conducive to success in general - over-parenting is not good either.

Over-parenting is where where "Academic achievements are elevated above emotional needs".

In over-parenting - The child depends on external affirmation for success to such an extent that when unexpected challenges come in life - He / She does not have any internal resources to overcome them and hence can crumble at the first hurdle.



Now on to - Character development

What is character ? A succicnt definition by the author - "Character is created by encountering and overcoming failure"

After the age of 8 – IQ is not easy to manipulate. However character strengths – like grit, self-control, conscientiousness are better indicators of children who will prosper in life.

Mentioned below are some of the traits that are part of a character that can work towards success -

• Ability to manage failure

Rich children tend to be insulated from suffering while poor kids face nothing but challenges. Instead every child should have child-sized adversity which they can overcome without help.

• Ability to do mental contrasting.

This trait reminds me of the Scout Motto - "Hope for the best but be prepared for the worst" To some extent this is what mental contrasting is about.

It means concentrating on a positive result while being aware of all the obstacles on the way. This helps - first of all to formulate alternate strategies and then to choose wisely amongst the choices.

• Optimism

An optimist does not remain down for long. After a setback an optimist will pick himself/herself up with a short term explanation for the bad event. They do not end up under a cloud of "Why me ? " or "I am always unlucky".

• Self-control and Flexibility

"Self control is ability to inhibit an instinctive or habitual response and substitute for a better less obvious one."

I am presuming that most parents by now would have heard of the famous Marshmallow test by Walter Mischel. It emphasized delayed gratification.

Delayed gratification which is mainly about self- control and flexibility hinges on -

1. An ability to think outside the box. [ Some of the children imagined the bar of chocolate to be something else. ] 
2. Ability to handle unfamiliar situations.

• Grit

It is the ability to persist. Stressed out children find it difficult to sustain efforts towards a particular goal since they tend to be overwhelmed with negative feelings.


Point by point some of the best ways to equip a child to be successful is -

1. Ensure he / she is protected from chronic stress especially in childhood.
2. Have a secure relationship with the child - ideally both parents.
3. Discipline - there has to be someone to say 'No' - so the child can know limits.
4. Allow the child to fall down and get up without help. The idea is for the child to learn to “manage failure”.
5. Do not over over-criticize.
6. Minimal after-school adult supervision is detrimental.
7. Do not burden the child with excessive achievement pressure.

To conclude

 "There are no short-cuts to success in raising children " ! 

Good luck !

Book Review - Gone Girl - Gillian Flynn

I don't think I have ever reviewed a fiction book on my blog. Nevertheless for some reason I feel like writing about this book - "Gone girl" by Gillian Flynn.

Yes - the book is unforgettable. Why ? Let me count the ways ( ** there could be spoilers - read at your own risk ! ** )

1. For starters - I did not like the story ! Here I am though .. writing about it ! :) I did not care for the writing style either !
2. It starts very very slow and even after the slow part is over - I did not find it engrossing or gripping enough.
3. You first root for Amy .. and then Nick and by the end of the book hate both protoganists and every other character too !
4. People smug in their moral caliber will hate the ambivalent nature of the moral compass here.
5. I actually liked the ending - and sincerely hope the author does not write a sequel.
6. It is a dark, chilling, twisted toxic tale which says "Marriage can be a killer" !! 

To some extent this reminded me of "Aksar" but the difference is I did not like that movie. And the tale in the movie is very clear - villain-gets-all theme. This book has left me ambivalent which I find surprising. Being a person of strong opinions - it  feels strange.

My two bits on the book that is a top charter this season.

IBL 2013

We went to IBL 2013 at Pune yesterday. We enjoyed the matches.  Unlike IPL where honestly the place was so overcrowded we could hardly see any action even if it was in front of our noses ... here we could follow the complete match. There was noise but not so much that the game was in danger of being obscured.

We saw Lee Chong Wee play against Ajay Jayaram and it was a good match I thought. The speed of the returns from the World No 1 astonished me ! Phew!

The Saina Nehwal match was one sided against Thulasi but perhaps that was to be expected. The other matches were enjoyable. We saw Saina go into the commentary box. Later on we got to see P V Sindhu play. That was fun too.

My daughter met her friend from our society and they went crazy trying to get an autograph from Saina and unfortunately our baby ended up being disappointed. What was worse in my opinion is that Sindhu mentioned she would meet us in 2 minutes after she changed and then the security guards chose to chase us away. Lest it be construed that I am annoyed with her - nothing can be further from the truth. It would have been nice to have been able to meet her and get her autograph but I can understand that players do have other concerns - however I wish she had been able to come back and sign !

I had not really cared for Jwala Gutta before but I felt she was the most approachable of all the badminton players. She did not mind signing autographs and throwing them back to the audience and in general seemed more people friendly. I have changed my mind about her after watching her yesterday. So due to this graciousness - our daughter got her autograph which was thrown down to her and then ... thrown back up too ! :)

I do not have anything against other players - but - all this adds in to make people like me shell out for the tournaments na ? And where people come - hey more sponsors and money follow ! :)

I enjoyed watching IBL Match much better than IPL .. simply b'cos I was able to follow the action.

There were players who had to return a serve against Saina and later on Sindhu and got a goody bag from Vodafone .. :)

However to make the IBL matches more popular across India I think a few things should be taken care of
[ The live feed from 3 channels dropped to one channel ]

1. The idea of taking tickets against paper printouts is a waste of time and trees ! And that bit of signing off with "Recd" ... crazy !!!! The bar code in the tickets should suffice.

2. Make sure everyone can get seated in time to watch the matches. First there was a big serpentine Q and then suddenly everyone was being sent across hurriedly !!! What is the point of security then ?

3. People who took tickets for 300 Rs had no qualms about sitting in the upper sections. And those people who had taken 600 Rs tickets were left to fend for themselves. Entirely avoidable with proper organization.

4. Food should be made available within the stands. :) Hey we want to watch the matches after all !!!

5. Rope in the supposed actors who are brand ambassadors to do some ads - I saw no ads with Aamir Khan or Deepika Padukone ( supposedly according to a site they are the brand ambassadors ). In fact given her history I would think Deepika would want to do endorsing for free ! :) I only saw John Abraham in the endorsements.

6. Have some time for badminton players to  interact with the fans. Something that is manageable. [ Those 3 people serving cannot be counted.  ] So people can at least get an autograph signed. It will be the thought that hey we not only can get to see Saina we may get an autograph with her. Definitely a crowd puller. And right now - they could do with more popularity.

7. Organize the camera area properly. We were at the topmost row and it seemed to me like all the time the camera man was screaming at us to sit down ! Hey ... we are at a sports match .. don't expect us  not to get up ! If it is that much of a problem - then set up elsewhere.

8. Get proper badminton players ( or ex-players) for commentary. Seriously getting cricketers (or ex) is not going to cut ice. And inform the public about the game. In cricket - they keep explaining the rules of the game ... again and again so newcomers get hooked into it.

9. Talk about the badminton players themselves. Where they have learnt the art, their national level games, international level games, standing in the rankings etc. The more the role models the better.

Hmm that is all I can think of at the moment.  Still for all the our players I do hope IBL becomes a rage !

AVTAR I-WIN Pune Segue Session - Aug 2013 - My thoughts

I attended the AVTAR -I-WIN (www.avtariwin.com / https://www.facebook.com/AVTARIWIN ) Pune Segue session yesterday August 8th 2013 at Hotel Le Meridien. There were about 230 - 250 participants I think. While the event was mainly for women looking to starting their second innings after a break ( any reason - child care, elder care , marriage relocation , health ) I was surprised to note there were women who were working and were looking to change careers.

I do not want to go into what AVTAR I-WIN / Segue means. I feel their site does a very good job of it with more details. I do want to put in my thoughts on the session itself.

A presentation is present at the following link - in case you prefer to view a ppt instead of a blog !

http://www.slideshare.net/vidya_b/i-win-25101575  

What I liked - 

1. Profile of the speakers - The very first inkling of how serious AVTAR is regarding second innings for women comes from the profile of the speakers at the event. Apart from 

• Ms. Saundarya Rajesh  Founder - President,  AVTAR I-WIN & FLEXI Careers India

we had the following speakers - who you would agree form an impressive list.

• Ms. Sandhya Vasudevan, Managing Director DBOI Global Services Pvt. Ltd., Deutsche Bank Group
• Ms. Nisha Verma, Head - Talent Management, Vodafone India Limited
• Ms. Oindrila Majumdar, Head of Asset and Wealth Management Operations, DBOI Global Services, Deutsche Bank Group
• Ms. Priya Tandon, Director Development,  Allscripts
• Mr. CK Kumaravel, Co-Founder & Director, Naturals
• Ms. Aditi Sharma, Vice President - Quality & Six Sigma, Cummins India
• Ms. Mitu Seth, Mumbai Site Head of Human Resources, DBOI Global Services India, Deutsche Bank Group
• Ms. Sukanya Patwardhan, Senior Practice Consultant, Tata Management Training Centre, Pune
• Ms. Anita Borulkar,Associate Vice President Human Resource, Sandvik Asia Private Limited, Deutsche Bank Group
• Ms. Ritu Waila,Consultant,Tata Management Training Centre, Pune
• Mr. Ishmeet Singh, Business Head for Maharashtra,  Goa Circle, Vodafone
• Mr. Sharad Verma, Senior Director, Talent Engagement and Development, SunGard Global Technology

2. The agenda - The workshops included a panel discussion on India Inc.'s need for women managers, On the need for Networking to restart a career, Negotiation skills to arrive at a win-win, an Entrepreneurial success story, a different view of oneself  [Me Inc. ] and the idea of internal stakeholders.

3. The participants - This forum allows us to meet many women who are looking at either change in their current work or second innings and is a wonderful way to network and form new connections. I was amazed at the representation - women from different fields, backgrounds, different work histories, different sabbatical gaps ( the longest I heard was 13 years ) , entrepreneurs ( some failed , some planning to start ).

4. Learnings - I learnt many things from the session but am going to write down the ideas that resonated the most with me.

Specific Learnings - 

• Ms. Oindrila Majumdar, Head of Asset and Wealth Management Operations, DBOI Global Services, Deutsche Bank Group

• "You are needed" ! 

Simple, direct, powerful and honestly a morale booster. It is not just me looking for a job for whatever reasons I have - Corporate India too needs women like me who have experience and want to join the workforce. Personally I found her inputs the most inspiring of all the speakers. Perhaps because of this statement ! :)

• Ms. Saundarya Rajesh  Founder - President,  AVTAR I-WIN & FLEXI Careers India

• Work-life Integration instead of work-life balance. 

I like the idea that work and life are not two separate things that need to be balanced but instead should be integrated for a fulfilling life.

• Ms. Sandhya Vasudevan, Managing Director DBOI Global Services Pvt. Ltd., Deutsche Bank Group

• Emphasis on clarity of goals - Why go to work ? To be very clear with yourself on this.

• Ms. Nisha Verma, Head - Talent Management, Vodafone India Limited

• Women are good in social networking but poor in mental and physical networking - Too true !
• Grow "YOU" as a brand - What other people think of you, what people attribute to you and 'your' brand should invoke strong emotions.
• In response to a question - Visibility alone is not good enough - visibility to the right people is also important.

• Ms. Priya Tandon, Director Development,  Allscripts

• Be sure of what you want in life and be happy with it. Also understand the price you are prepared to pay for what you want in life.

• Mr. CK Kumaravel, Co-Founder & Director, Naturals

• His talk had the most humorous moments ! Candid on a previous business failure as well as difficulties in the current journey.
• Money is the by-product of serving others.
• Irritation is the biggest source of energy ! :)
• Initial seed money from 3F's - Family, Friends and Fools ! 
• Be an eternal optimist - they always learn more and try more
• Value people and use money - not the other way round
• Answer to a person who had a failed business behind her - Failure is an opportunity to begin again.

• Ms. Aditi Sharma, Vice President - Quality & Six Sigma, Cummins India

• Don't over commit your employers and lose your flexibility 

• Ms. Mitu Seth, Mumbai Site Head of Human Resources, DBOI Global Services India, Deutsche Bank Group

• Prioritize
• Accept you cannot do everything
• Asking help is okay
• Exercise the power to make choices 
• There will be good days and bad days
• Definition of success keeps changing - define it for yourself and don't inherit from others

• Ms. Anita Borulkar,Associate Vice President Human Resource, Sandvik Asia Private Limited, Deutsche Bank Group

• Inspiring talk - challenges in the field where not many women employees are present as well as handling unions and government. 

• Ms. Sukanya Patwardhan, Senior Practice Consultant, Tata Management Training Centre, Pune

• You are the CEO of Me Inc..
• How well can you take the nonsense thrown at you / being taken for granted / feeling low / comparison ?

• Ms. Ritu Waila,Consultant,Tata Management Training Centre, Pune

• An inspiring story of managing a break forced due to health issues.

• Mr. Ishmeet Singh, Business Head for Maharashtra & Goa Circle, Vodafone

• Inputs from view of employer when a person with career break comes for an interview - Yes there can be a bias.

• Mr. Sharad Verma, Senior Director, Talent Engagement and Development, SunGard Global Technology

• Define your goals , priorities / ambitions / commitment to success 
• Decide what you are willing to settle for / not settle for / your strengths / perceived weakness
• Aim to be likable and competent - and showcase this with your attitude
• Try to close a negotiation positively
• Anticipate

Areas of improvement - 

I sincerely believe the Segue session was a superb program - so these critiques should be be considered with an open mind. They should be evaluated against obvious practical considerations as well as alignment to the goals of the program. However the best of people / groups like to see how they can do better - so I will give my inputs honestly.

1. Practical networking - It is good to say "Network" but an ice breaker kind of game would have been good. [ So many conferences have this- short 10 - 15 min game that gives say about 5 connections right away !!! ]. Yes we did connect with the ladies at our table and during tea but more would have been nice.

2. Segue success stories - Women who have benefited from the Segue sessions. Perhaps it is early to talk about this - I am not sure. The women need not come in person nor should women who do not wish to be spot lighted be mentioned by name. However I still think couple of stories would have been good.

3. Profile of the women participants - Not on an individual basis but in a very broad sense - the kind of industries they come from, the sabbatical gaps, education profile, business start ups .. etc

4. Entrepreneurial how to - The Naturals success story is inspiring but a general how-to for entrepreneurship would have been wonderful. I am not completely sure of this topic though since I have a feeling it could be so vast that it would not fit in the schedule !

Takeaways - 

1.  Networking - The forum helped to meet women in the same boat as I am - trying to make a comeback to work after a sabbatical.

2. Perspective from the company end  - It was good to hear from the other side of the table. The inputs were invaluable.

3. The workshops / talks / discussions - These were encouraging and motivating.

All in all - an informative and inspiring workshop which I am happy I got a chance to participate in. 

Ramblings ...

Why do we worry about who will cry when we die ?
It seems futile,
Perhaps we merely seek an answer to - who wants us happy and alive.

Why do we want to know who will be impressed ?
It is just the stress ,
Of wanting to belong to an elite club I guess.

Why do we worry about the road not taken
Our road by another is 'not taken' either,
And yet we pine,
For the grass that is greener just across the line.

I see everywhere it seems - puzzled minds,
That wonder why they missed the train,
Just by inches.

Slight Edge again ....

One of the earliest jewels I got from my friend when the internet had not been as ubiquitous as it is now - was an article on "Slight Edge Philosophy".  I found the article amazing and very instructive. I would like to say I have followed it diligently but alas! that is not true. :)

However .. time and again .. it never ceases to amaze me how little things add up !

I use Andromoney and I am very happy with the app - I am able to enter the day's expenses and get basic reports. I can use it to budget too but right now I am not using that feature. Which actually reminds me that I should rate the app in google play. I definitely like it.

Coming back - each time I go out it surprises me to see just how much spending happens even though the individual amounts are never alarming. A Rs 50 here, A Rs 120 there, Rs 35 here and .... et voila .. already I  have spent Rs 945 !!!!

Same goes with food - a little munching here and there add up to a huge amount at the end of the day. I am talking about little bites - extra 1/4 th roti. Small 2nd helping of that cashew nut subji, a sliver of extra cake  ! :) Not binge eating --- just a little extra at every meal !

A few minutes wasted indiscriminately add up to a couple of hours at the end of the day !

And so ... to turn the tide towards the positive perhaps a slight edge is all the start we need. Even if 10,000 hours an expert make - compounding is good - in small bits and bytes. :)

Of jobs and sops

I read the latest gimmick involving grains to the poor. I wonder if these kind of alms will help the party in question. One never knows !!!

Cynically speaking it is easy to see - why this is a PR move - I mean if the PDS system in India was made more streamlined - guess it would not garner that many votes na ? And yet tonnes and tonnes of grains in our country are wasted when we have so many hungry people. Horrible !

As an educated urban person - I was dismayed by the handling of the Uttarakhand disaster. I was even more disgusted to see the flagging of relief material a few days after the tragedy with packets having printed leaflets of the party !!!

Swinging into action would have been more appreciated but I am a normal everyday person .. I cannot claim to know how vote-bank politics works !! Plus we are an emotional lot - and perhaps the pomp and show mean more to us than ground reality of a job well done ?

After all - isn't the hunter who kills the tiger more hailed than the hunter who ensured there would be no such problem in the first place? ( Sending tiger to zoo story ).

There was no statement from the PMO , no message from the party , nothing for quite some time. Appalling !!!  To be honest I am disgusted even by our celebrities who were strangely silent. Reactions were so delayed so as to be non-existent !!

I have never believed that just b'cos a person is older - he / she deserved respect. I prefer to go by actions.

If more people believed that their actions would give them respect and not the number of years on this planet perhaps our older generation would stop pontificating and would do more to understand if not integrate with the younger generation that wants jobs and not sops !!!

There is a dignity and joy in working for yourself , your family and perhaps the society if you are so inclined.

Yes - the class that is abused should be given a helping hand but not handouts ! It is like the age old wisdom - "Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day , teach him how to fish and he will never go hungry".

Our vibrant youth should have opportunities to work once they graduate. They should have a hand in the future of the country. They should be encouraged to be entrepreneurs !

Wisdom without the benefit of the viewpoint of the people the future is being built for is useless.

Yes there are always exceptions to the rule. There are plenty of people who would rather cheat than work, or laze than work but we are not talking about the outliers. We are talking of today's youth which wants to enter the workforce - and should be given an atmosphere to do so.

Youth - disengaged and jobless is a danger to any country.

Reader and Twitter woes

It is bad enough that reader is closing down today - I missed twitter rss feeds closing down completely. Have been busy the past couple of weeks for various reasons and even though I did check into my reader I did not realize that the updates from twitter were not coming in.

I still don't understand why google did not continue with rss. From what I think it would have been a data mine of inputs of the reader's choices and interests - personal choices. Isn't this what google wants to know ?The articles read on reader could be used to display relevant ads. What is not to like ?

As for its loss of relevance - seriously ? I agree that twitter may have made inroads into rss but not everyone wants to be awake for every single tweet. Lots of people like to read news / articles asynchronously. [ Especially with the sheer number of articles to browse through ] One may not want to miss even one article from our favorite sites !

Anywayz have switched to feedly which is good so far. There is a slight discomfort which a change always brings but overall I have liked feedly. I am still reading from reader though .. last day after all !! :)

Oh well .. letz move on.

Twitter shut down its public rss REST api on June 11th 2013. I had these in my reader b'cos there are users out there whose tweets I do not want to miss even if I am unable to log in to twitter for a week ... This happens .. whether holidaying, studying or just plain unplugging - it happens. So these feeds have disappeared ! Annoying.......

I know twitter for all its popularity has not managed to convert it into a profitable business so it needs users to come to the site but reducing readability is not a way to do so. Because I got so many feeds I would always end up going to twitter and checking out the links - so both twitter and the relevant website profited.

Sigh .. guess just have to take it in my stride and move on. The new api with its embedded timelines and OAuth requirements does not translate into rss for me since they have clearly mentioned that they will not support rss ... so now have moved my do-not-want-to-miss-tweets-people to facebook, google reader, mail subscribe and the good old rss feeds.

See ??? Twitter's loss .... I still have them in my following list no doubt but like I said I am not the sort who wants to read everything synchronously !

Although perhaps I am the wrong kind of user - after all Twitter is meant for immediate consumption but hey as long as the service gets used and used well shouldn't one be happy about it ? Don't have the answer for that.

However it does mean a change in my blog layout - have to remove the "My Twitter Updates" widget.

The Curse of Knowledge

I remember when I was to be a parent .. I was worried that I would not love my child. Seems a little silly in retrospect but it did cause me a lot of anxiety at that time.

And so I did what I like to do - I asked around. Especially girls who had had their children early and had previously mentioned they felt they were ill-equipped to handle the responsibility.

And one prize winning answer - "Oh it worked out ... it will come to you naturally" !!! I was in one word disgusted by this reply. Until I realized this person was cursed by .... The curse of knowledge !

She no longer remembered how it felt to be unsure, the feelings of uncertainty, of sometimes the sheer terror of having to take care of a small life and where being wrong could mean death ( okay okay sounds like an exaggeration but it felt like the scope for errors was definitely low ). And yes she had her mother to help out at the crucial juncture.

And I see this everywhere - a lack of empathy due to the curse of knowledge. I used to wonder about this phenomenon until I saw the coin termed in "Made to Stick".

A star math student - who is so good at maths that he does not understand how others do not seem to "get it". Presumably he has never known what is it like to be unsure in maths ? Or another computer algorithm genius who does not understand why double linked list is not easy to understand in the first round ! :)
I heard one son berating his parent for not being more receptive to learning to use the computer and was espousing how such fear was completely baseless. CA's wondering how people can confuse creditors and debtors :)

I am also not immune to this flaw.

In what I still think as the most hilarious episode - I wrote a set of Dbase programs for a friend who wanted to do her project in the allotted time and she felt she was ill-equipped to finish it. I had taken a printout of all programs and had handed it to her to type them ( she studied in a different institute ). When she told me it gave her umpteen errors I was puzzled. I had run those programs and they had worked perfectly and did not need any kind of local configuration. When I asked for an error list - I was flabbergasted to find she had typed them all in one program !!!!! In spite of clear demarcation with names of programs at the top ( there were about 6 programs in total ) she had done this.  Phew !!!

I must say I could not fathom how she could not make out something as simple as that ?
Luckily - she made the changes and the programs worked fine. Yet I could not help wondering at her.

This is still something that is not too serious perhaps ( but then if she looks for a job based on that certificate... ?? ) but the curse of knowledge attacks in other areas too.

When a brother is teaching his sister the 2-wheeler, a parent teaching her child, a mother-in-law not understanding her daughter-in-law's inability to merge seamlessly into the household routine .....

I see people who are mentally strong who do not understand or empathize with the plight of the abused. Time and again I hear the same refrain - "How could he / she have .. stayed on ? ", "How could he / she have ended life ?" [ Mind you ... I think it takes an awful lot of courage to commit suicide .. I mean it is "THE END" ... how can one just feel like doing that and of course not worry about the physical pain too  ?? Guess it takes desperation ..... ]

I feel the pathology of a victim is different and unless one understands that compulsions of that person one cannot judge the actions taken by him / her.

For listening / understanding / empathizing - negating the effect of the curse of knowledge and understanding and / or remembering what it felt like at the beginning is key.  It is the key to effective communication.
It seeks first to understand and then be understood.

As for .... why is empathizing important ? This is my take on it - Empathy.

Comparing CS50x and 6.00x

I am comparing the two free edx courses - 6.00x from MIT and CS50x from Harvard. I think this comparison may be unfair - since I did not complete 6.00x. The more apt title would probably be - why I stuck to CS50x and not to 6.00x.

I should make it clear - I think the 6.00x course is great - the course syllabus, lectures, the problems and the quizzes too.  May be I will look it up in the future.

A.  MIT - 6.00x

1. Time commitment is on the higher side. Needs a lot more time.

2. Tougher - more scientific bent.

3. Lectures cannot be easily downloaded. The HTTP downloads for about 400 MB files do not work out well when uninterrupted net connections cannot be taken for granted. Torrents would have helped.

4. Stricter deadlines for the problems / quizzes. Was difficult to handle this along with other commitments. I do not consider this something bad / good ; just something that did not allow me to complete the course.

B.   Harvard - CS50x  - If I had to use a single line for this course's USP I would say it was their making the classes at CS50 alive for the masses. It was like stepping into a live classroom at Harvard.

1. Vicarious pleasure ! :-) - This probably is the closest I will ever get to the hallowed halls of an Ivy League Institution. Doesn't that sound sycophantic ? :) But .... it is true ! Unlike 6.00x - this one made me feel like I had actually stepped into a live class! Fantastic!

2. Fun !!! Cannot underestimate this part. It was like being back in college .. made it easier to stick to it. Nostalgia pangs anyone ? :)

3. Truly aimed at beginners. I thought their introduction of Scratch to learn the basics of programming was a genius move !

4.  Self paced and doable. Can be managed with other commitments because the only true deadline is the last date of the course. All problem sets, quizzes and the project can be submitted any time at all. Plus they have a simple schedule which based on the date you have logged in suggests various dates for all the items that you need to submit.

5. The walkthroughs ! These introduced the problem sets and gave direction.  A fantastic idea especially when one does not know where to start; which is almost always ! The Psets are imaginative and more importantly - the pointer to real life scenarios was appreciated.

For e.g - we had to code a program to recover lost jpeg files from a RAW image. This was the 'forensics' Pset.  Another to zip and unzip files based on an algorithm - the Huff 'n' Puff Pset. Very much enjoyable.

6. The introductions to W3C validator, gdb, valgrind and usage of js/css scripts from other websites, standing on other developers' shoulders. Real life software development is not always completely self-contained.  These were great inclusions I thought.

7.  They had short intros to various items - like the different types of sorts, SQL, jQuery, HTTP, gdb, valgrind etc. These were short videos that explained something in slightly more detail that in the main lecture. These were very helpful and they had these funny bits at the end ! :)

8. Sections - There were 2 types of sections - one called hacker edition type for those more comfortable with programming and the simpler one for beginners. These were in addition to the lectures, here problems were worked on and doubts clarified. Helpful again.

9. The vibrant student community !! This simply amazed me. So many people - always willing to answer queries. When stuck for a few hours on a problem, all I needed to do was go to the discussion forum. Mostly the Q would already be answered but I got replies for all the queries I put up online. Fabulous support !

10.  The lecture videos that I could download easily via torrents. I watched most of the lectures/shorts/sections/walkthroughs on my phone while waiting for my daughter's classes to finish. While I did not use captions whenever I watched the lecture online I liked the inclusion of the same. Very thoughtful I would say.

11. CS50 appliance - All my work for the course was done via their Virtual Machine. The code was backed up in Dropbox - and all this is a part of the setup for CS50x. Including dropbox - is another brilliant move. Who thinks they can lose their work ? :) And beginners ? No way .... !!!  More importantly - a seamless backup apart from being helpful is a pointer towards professional development.  Version control was the only thing missing and perhaps not really applicable to these Psets.

I had no problems with the appliance itself and I went through 2 laptops and a Windows upgrade :) Easy to set up and work with. And no no-availability problems.

Areas of improvement

1.  The sections should also have torrent downloads.

2.  I would like a T-shirt with "I took CS50x"  -  similar to the one Zamyla wore in one of the walkthoughs. now how do I get that ? :)   I wish they would make this possible.

To summarize I found CS50x - Fun .... and eminently doable !!! :)

I took CS50(x)

So ..... I took up CS50x .. a Harvard course free on edx.org. I have finished all Problem Sets and all Quizzes. Additionally did a small project towards the course completion. Today I am waiting for April 15th 2013 ...... the day after which I should get an honor certificate from Harvard ! :)

Now - I have worked in the IT field so why would I take up an introductory course in computer science ? Well - how about 'Just like that' ? Yes and then - I was intrigued and honestly wanted a certificate from an Ivy league institution. That I would get one for free was like icing on the cake.

David Malan - the course instructor

We all have dreams - some fulfilled and some not. If I had had my own way - I would be teaching in Harvard / Stanford / MIT / LSE / Princeton / IIM / Cambridge - after I had completed my doctorate and an MBA of course. :) Strangely enough the IITs were never in my dreams. At least this was one of my dreams ! :)

I am not sure how much value the honor certificate has and to me it does not matter now.  I had fun doing the course and while I did not expect it when I signed up - I felt like I was in a live class at Harvard. Definitely a bonus !

I have learnt C eons ago and it was like going back to college ! Sorting algorithms - bubble sort ( God thought I had left that behind me! ), malloc, pointers ! :) I struggled .... especially in the memory management zone.

Pointer logic / Sorting algorithms were demonstrated with students

My curiosity first led me to MITs 6.00x ( especially after the 6.002x ) - but I  dropped it midway.  These were the only 2 courses that I tried and I preferred the Harvard course.

For my project while I first had another in mind - I ended up doing something that was much simpler. I struggled;
not because of the project requirements itself but because suddenly everything seemed to fall apart. My laptop's hard drive started emitting a strange whining sound - which I thought was a sign of an imminent hard drive crash and it became very very very slow !!!

I had to use another laptop - install everything again. I decided to do a mini Android app and this environment is not part of the CS50 appliance. The ADT ( Android Development Tool ) is tedious. There must a lighter version somewhere but I did not have too much time to explore so I went with the one provided by google.

And then the second laptop did not have audio !! LOL .. so while I did the video editing there with my app - I recorded the audio on my mobile and integrated it with the video and cross-checked on my first laptop !

And now of course - since all submissions are over - the whining hard drive sound has stopped on my comp !! Really !!!!! :)

Tommy and Rob - two teaching fellows for CS50

Anyway here's the link to my project submission - http://youtu.be/sGWY8kxvqfc. It has to be within 2 minutes.

All in all - I had fun ...... Now looking to see if I can deploy this small app in the real world. The php page is after all written inside the CS50 appliance which will not be available to the outside world.

Adieu Twist N Tales ...

A cozy nook ; A quiet corner  

An alcove for a magical hour  ...

So many things Twist N Tales brings to my mind

And saying good-bye is difficult I find.

Holding my daughter's hand as she skipped in

Rushing to a chair with a book and lost in seconds within ...

Or her mad dash to the swing ? :)

Round and round she would go ... dizzying!

A treasure trove of precious moments, lovely images and memories

So many ...... just so many to cherish.

Now the shutters are down,  it is an end

Time has closed on us, my friend.

Yes things change, as they should ...

But if I could

I hope that fate has something more in store for us and one day

We make and share more memories in another way ...

Adieu Twist N Tales ... !

Twist N Tales

Twist N Tales - last day

School Concert photographers and outdated thinking patterns

School Concert

I do not understand the school photographer's business case for digital images at all.

See when one is attending a concert in the school - we cannot take snaps / videos since it will disturb the children. So obviously we as parents refrain from doing so. Hence the photographer gets to choose the amount he charges for a snap and normally IMO it tends to be exorbitant for no reason.

Still most parents wanting the memories do shell out the required amount. And these are for the hard copies mostly 6 x 8 prints.

Last year it happened the same way - we paid for the prints and yet the photographer did not want to part with the digital snaps. Why ?? This is the reasoning I do not understand. He said he would charge something like 100 Rs per digital copy. Seriously ????  I mean what do the parents want the snaps for ? To share - most likely on fb / flickr and for memories. It is not like these are National Geographic snaps that one has to worry about digital rights to them .. correct ?

So the parents obviously - just scan the damn snaps and share it. And whose loss is that ? The photographer's of course. I would think for a nominal amount he could get a good extra chunk of money for the same thing. But seems the reasoning is archaic - if we do get the digital copies , we can make umpteen copies and put him out of business. Really ???? Doesn't that sound silly ?? For one thing if I get a good scan - I can make any number of copies. Yes they may not be the same as the original but they will be good enough. Most concert snaps one can rarely enlarge after all so the RAW image quality is not required.

And who these days makes that many prints anywayz ? Not many I would think. Finally whoever gets back to that photographer for concert snaps ? Nobody ... !!!! So after a period of time [ if at that ] he would delete the whole lot and it is such a waste.

In the the previous nursery school - the photographer only put those snaps that we had paid money for (prints) and charged for the CD.  I wish this year this person did that - instead he is stuck in the same medieval thoughts.

I did speak to the school office about it and they are also steeped in age old ideas of rights and ability to make multiple copies off the scanned images. These cannot be viewed in the same light as -ves. We have moved way beyond that in the internet age. Although going by their behavior we are still stuck about 30 years back.

In these days of mobile snaps and their prevalence who would upload a 5.8 MB file on fb ?? Looks outdated thinking is not restricted to politics alone !

Immunity to selling

No matter how smart one thinks one is - I don't think we can be completely immune to psychological bias.  Ads by their nature are very persuasive and employ many psychological tricks.

Some of course we know - that diamonds are so expensive simply because of the De Beers cartel. I always watch ads about diamonds with a wry expression. Same for toothpaste ads - they advocate paste that completely lines the toothbrush one end to another. Fact; a pea sized amount is enough.  What about the "five o'clock shadow" term coined by a razor company to sell their razors ?

And then again - Santa Claus's red and white colors - a re-invention by Coca-Cola. Chips and watching sports, two  Alka-Seltzer tablets in a glass when only one would do. I enjoyed this as a kid, there was a cartoon character in the ad :-) Only later realized the significance of the 2 tablets which bubble when dropped in water ! :)

One would think with all this - we are armed to the teeth against ads and their persuasiveness.

Yet .... couple of incidents made me realize that even with all this information, it is not easy to dodge psychology.

1. Consider the anchoring effect [#].Recently when I went shopping for shoes - the ones marked higher I mentally laughed at and purchased the lower priced ones. However after coming home - I feel the shoes were not worth even that lower price ! Got conned by the oldest retailing trick ! :)

2. Like most people - I get birthday mails from my bank, services I have used, retailers etc. Mostly I just ignore them. After all I do know it is not so difficult to program a mail to be sent on the appropriate day. It is just a scheduled event after all ! :)

My relationship with a particular NGO has been a long term one. So this year, I was totally taken aback to get a call in person from them on my birthday to wish me !

Now ; I know all the cynical reasons they made the call ; yet that did not stop me from feeling pleased at the personal touch ! LOL..... Perhaps next year I will not be susceptible but for now ---- can you see the irony ? I am happy at being remembered by some unknown person who probably got a reminder on his desktop/mail and proceeded to call me as part of his job function !!!! While they were in  no danger at being dropped by me - I will not be dissociating with them anytime soon ! ;)

I have reluctantly realized - it is fallacy to think to one is immune to selling tricks ! :)