"If you don't listen .... we will lock you in the bathroom / dark room / terrace " etc ... And for added benefit - the threat is carried out sometime too .. so the child knows exactly what that fear is ....
Cut the scene - a few years later - the parents saying "I have no idea why he/she is afraid of the dark - he/she is old enough now to switch on the light in a dark room by himself/herself".
- Don't go into the water you will drown ; Later -- I don't understand why he/she is afraid to go to swimming lessons and keeps screaming ?
- Don't run/jump/climb etc you will get hurt; Later -- Look at that kid ... he/she is so good at sports and you ....
- Don't eat that - it is not the season for it ... ; Later - my child is fussy about food ....
- Don't make a mess or keep quiet - I am working and switching on the cartoon channel .... ; Later -- all he/she does is watch TV whole day ...
Admittedly parenting is a tough job [ especially if you think it to death :))) !!! ] We don't have the energy to keep up with kids and trying to maintain discipline when the child is on the tantrum train is a nightmare ....... yet ... some effort at viewing ourselves from the outlook of a child is required I think.
5 comments:
Great post!! You are spot on when you say that inputs lead to outputs. I guess the problem is that most parents are protective of their kids and tend to pass on their fears and apprehensions rather than let the kids explore and learn on their own. More often than not kids end up getting most of the mannerisms of their parents (both good and bad). I guess we need to fix ourselves first so that we don't pass on our bad traits and set some boundaries within which the kids can learn and explore. This is easier said than done.
This is a good post Vidya.
@Rao - Thanks yaar ....
@Nandu - I agree ... to be able to allow the child to explore .. w/o imprinting our foibles on them is easier said than done .... because we want them to grow so they become stronger than us .... and better adapted to their future ...
Vidya, definitely an interesting post, something that I argue about with everyone all the time...I am a strong believer in the fact that we should let our kids explore things and find out for themselves but then there is opposition from all sides, not because the opposing parties dont want my child to be a better person but simply because they are over protective..anyways, glad to have read this post as it actually conveys my very own thoughts! :-) Am glad to see there are others who think on the same lines!
Thanks Archana for your comments. Our tribe of parents may be small .. but we are around !! :))
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