Most parents when asked; tell that they want their kids to be independent. I wonder ..... what does independence mean ?
Financial Independence ? Emotional independence , Religious independence ?
When a child emotionally declares he/she prefers to spend more time with say the father - the mother immediately sulking is something I have seen too many times [ "After all I have done" .... is the oft heard wail ]. Isn't this is a barrier to emotional growth ??
A child questions - regarding the job, career or lack thereof [ :) ] - taking offence does not help.
In fact even for routine queries I have been told not to say "I don't know" because it reduces my authority !! I cannot say I understand this - I know I am not a know-it-all .. [ I prefer leaving this job to google !! :) ]. And I would prefer to explore the answer with my baby .... and common there are so many questions that I just cannot answer ..... if I curb this am I not impeding the child's intellectual freedom ??
Our children should earn and stand on their own feet. But if this involves making a lot of credit purchases and falling into a debt spiral - do we think that a child should learn from his/her mistakes or bail out the child again and again ? [ The child here is a legal adult but when is a child not a child to its parents ? Aaah yes .. when paying for our medical bills !!! :)) ]
Independence to decide on a life partner - an acquaintance was askance at the thought that having a girl child in the US who is independent might open the possibility of having a black [ have no idea what the politically correct term is now !! ] son-in-law .... !!!
Imagine a child choosing to change religions ( for any reason ) .. how many parents would like that and can support that ?
And the list goes on
- When a girl decides on the kind of dresses she wears ( for guys too ... but on a lesser level )
- When a guy decides to do some RJing instead of focusing on CET .......
- Choice of geographical area to settle
This is not restricted to a home environment alone ... Ever a submitted a proposal to your boss only to find that all the boss likes are the full stops and commas and sometimes not even that ? :)) Where is the independence here ?A bird is taught by the parents to fly and yet when it flies the nest why does the resentment come in ? We may find that we cannot live with the choices made .....
So when I hear "I want my child to be independent" I also hear the caveat -
As long as he/she makes choices per my idea of what a a proper choice is .. and that is not independence at all .... it is mere conformity to a parent's ideals ......
While I am not immune to this phenomenon ... for now .... I think perhaps I should allow my child to jump in puddles more often ..... :)) That is also a type of choice right ?
5 comments:
Yeah, I agree. Though not completely immune to this myself all we can do now is to use our experience for our coming generation :)
I dont have kids as yet. But everytime I think of my future role as a father, the one question that intimidates me is, "So, will I never be allowed to say 'I don't know' to my child? How much work I have to do to position myself there? Will I tell my child that I will get back to him/her or silently open Google on the bedroom laptop?"
The correct term is African American.
Are you sure abt African-American ... I read somewhere that even that is not acceptable and we should use mixed-race American instead ! :)
Af-Am is politically correct, Obama uses in presidential speeches. Can't get more official.
On the correctness, I often feel almost offended of the uselessness of the need to invent new ways of calling somebody - but don't seek to treat them better - whether it is African-Americans, Harijans, Handicapped etc...
My personal pick is Handicapped. Some countries simply call them handicapped but treat them equally (respect, access to public facilities etc...). Some countries (namely India) focus entirely on calling them differently (Physically Challenged, Differently Abled, Disabled) but do NOTHING to treat them equal.
Oh well, I am going to write a separate post on this.
Ha ha ha .. I think I sent you the mail a little early .... should have seen this comment first !! :)))
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