Joy of an empty nest ....

It was a lazy Sunday morning and the terrace cleaning was on when I heard the chirping. It was coming from behind the washing machine and a quick look showed it to be a baby sparrow - wet due to the usage of water. A glance upwards showed that it most likely had fallen off a nest that was perched on my neighbour's window.

With a vague idea of putting it back in the nest I tried to get closer to it but of course it squawked dismally as I approached. So I gave up that thought. After sometime my hubby spied the mother sparrow flying down to the baby with food.

So there it remained - chirping intermittently and being fed by its mother. When the pigeons came near, it would hide under one of the legs of our washing machine and at night I think it hid in the same place.

After only one day of this - it seemed to like my hubby enough to sit next to his feet when he was sitting on his chair in the terrace.

My daughter and hubby worried that it perhaps did not have enough to eat and drink , filled a plastic cap with water and spread some grains for it. It seemed to like it ... and there began the routine. When my daughter was off at school it was my turn to check on its water supply and food.

Not knowing the growth cycle and wondering if its wing had broken in the fall and we did not know if the baby sparrow would ever fly. Still it seemed to feel like it was a member of our family - it was comfortable with us - especially my hubby whom it followed inside the house ! It would watch cricket in the living room with us too ... :)

We were not sure it would be good to have it inside the house for too long - what if the mother sparrow looked for it to give lessons in flying or more food ? So as if it could understand what we spoke - we told the baby sparrow to go outside for sometime ! All it did was give us this inquisitive look with a confidence that said - we would not chase it out !

Seeing this our daughter said we did not know how to speak to it and that we should speak to it in bird language. So bending down she "spoke" to it - "Tweet... tweet... tweet ... tweeeeeeeet ... tweeeet .. twit .. tweet ... TWIT !" with a flourish of hands and an emphatic tone ! The baby sparrow apparently understood because it went out !

Sometimes we saw that the sparrow had to compete with a couple of pigeons for the grains that we kept for it. We let it be since it would face similar situations in its life .. it also had enough of a survival instinct to know when to move out and where to go.

So it went ... It became a peripheral part of our lives. We would keep an ear out for its chirping and check on it often. We saw it trying to jump a little and fly with its tiny wings. We were glad that it seemed as if its wings were not damaged.

And then came the cardinal day ... it took flight - it flew to a balcony rail on the next building. I watched it with a fierce joy , it took me sometime to realize the happiness was mixed with heartache. I knew it was the last day I would see it. It spent the afternoon flying short distances between the buildings and looking at the varied views.

My daughter came back from school and looked for it in all corners of the terrace and did not find the baby
sparrow. It was gone. She was highly disappointed. So was my hubby. It never came back after that day and we missed it.

As my daughter snuggled close to me and was telling me it should have at least told her good-bye - it occurred to me that I knew now why it is called "empty-nest syndrome" when our children grow their wings and leave home. And I do not think the luxury of time will lessen the hollow feeling when it finally happens.

Still .... if the price for watching that ethereal flight into the unknown is ... the kind of joy, happiness, and heartache I feel now - I think I am glad to have the privilege of paying it.

Friends indeed .....



They say a crisis brings out the best in a person ... I believe it brings out the best in one's friends too.


My Mom was taken to ICU in the 3rd week of September and she is now home .. it has been a long 3 weeks where she spent 90% of her time in the ICU. Obviously not the best emotional time for me either !! And it has been a harrowing time ... it seemed like anything that could go wrong ... did go wrong. [ including me getting a viral red eye ....... right in the midst of needing to be in the hospital ... grrrr ].

 
Thankfully .....I am glad to say .... she is much better now and certainly on the road to complete recovery.  Ok .. so why the blog post ? Because ...

 
Every single friend who came to know of this has stretched out a helping hand and meant it too .... ! [ and no .. I had better things to do than to made an announcement of the rush to the hospital on that ill-fated morning ... ]

 
  • A friend took care of my daughter on the day I had to rush to the hospital and would have been happy to be of help for more days too ...
  • I had friends who wanted to pick up my daughter from school and take care of her .... knowing that this would one big area of concern for me .... [ since we were not sure of the number of days Mom would be in the hospital ... we put my baby into the day home in the same school ]
  • I got home made food at the hospital [ probably could have got it for every meal .. but I don't like putting others to so much trouble !!! :)) ]
  • I was relieved of the tense wait with a friend who came to visit me there ... [ not just once !! ]
  • Logistics of ensuring my home was clean .. was taken care of .. even though I was not at home ...
  • Many calls of concern .. sympathy ....and support ..
  • At no point did I feel that I would not have my friends to fall back on .. whenever I needed them ...
  • And so .. on ....

I am also thankful that within 10 min of my calling the school ... my daughter's day care was arranged ... without any fuss whatsoever. Not only that ... they intimated me ... that she was doing fine ... which was considerate ...

 
So all in all ... it is a mixed bag of emotions - surprise at the help, sad at the circumstances requiring this and a
gladness that I have so many well wishers ...

 
If I had not already identified my friends from mere acquaintances .. I definitely would have recognized them after this !!!  ;)

 
Thank you .... !!! :)

Civic sense ?

Education and Civic sense rarely go hand in hand ..
Recently I was talking with a taxi driver and the conversation veered to civic sense and he made a comment "Ma'am it is the educated people who behave worse than the people who don't know" .... I thought about it ..... I don't think the comment was wrong .....

Education and civic sense ... rarely seem to go hand in hand ..... I remembered some instances of such behavior by the so-called-educated people ... this includes Gen Y too ....

  • Coming to the ICU ward/waiting room with a bad case of viral conjunctivitis ....
  • Entering the society premises on a vehicle at 70km / hr ..... especially in the evening .. prime time when small children are playing / running / cycling.
  • Asking to divert money that has been donated for charity to be used for other sundry activities ...
  • One person is admitted in the ICU .. 26 people turn up in the ICU waiting room plus they have the gall to wonder if the other people really are relatives and all the 26 people want to enter the ICU ward en masse .... !! Jeez ...
  • Spitting gutka within hospital premises ...
  • Leaving plastic bottles and gutka wrappers on pristine mountain sides .....
  • Throwing water/garbage from the balcony on to the road ..... with no care towards the people walking below
  • Physically pushing children ..... in a crowd ( mall, after movie rush etc )
  • Flight announcement is for parents with children and elderly people .. yet everyone rushes and makes a crowd at the gate !!!!
  • Keeping the lift waiting ..... while busy chatting to someone outside their door .. uncaring of the people within the lift
  • Of-course loud ring-tones / talking .... in inappropriate places ...
  • Driving in an inebriated state ....
 ...... And so on ..... am sure there are many more examples of such uncouth conduct ...
I am not even touching the serious side of what education should bring about in areas of dowry, education of girl children, corruption, bride burning, land grabbing etc ...
I think ... education should also mean refinement and civility .... but is it asking for too much ??? Money, education and class .... rarely go together I guess ...

Book Review - The Argumentative Indian - Amartya Sen

The Argumentative Indian
I picked up this book from a friend eons ago .. and found it challenging to complete ! :) Not because it is not good but simply because history is something that I don't prefer to read !! Nevertheless I did finish reading this and I am glad I did ...

Having said that I would not suggest this book to someone who has an insular view of a Hindu India that has had absolutely no influence of any other culture on it !!! It would make for a flammable reading if one went with such an attitude. Instead I would think an open mind with an interest to counter-argue with research if one disagrees on the many points made would be a better approach !!

The writing is dry and caustic, well researched and in the form of a series of lectures. It depicts India as a civilization where public debate was not unknown , multiple cultures and religions were part of its vibrant fabric along with atheism and materialistic approach to life , he touches upon the topics of science and maths in ancient India, Indian calendars ( this is an amazing chapter ! ) , relationship with China, the Indian identity , Westerner's views of India .. etc


One of the major themes is that India's greatness lies in its diversity and tolerance of all religions. Although the author is aware that this tolerance has not stopped the social inequalities either.

One can consider the book as an attempt to encapsulate a few thousand years of Indian history that an Indian can take pride in even as the country looks forward to a global future which was not completely unknown before !

I did feel that the leanings on Ashoka and Akbar were a bit more than required. After all there were quite a few other kings but then .. those other kings probably did not suit the point being made !!

The inputs on Rabindranath Tagore whom the author eminently respects made for interesting reading. I don't prefer the deifying biographies that one reads of our previous leaders and the perspective shown by the author of this person is of a reasoning mind.

In our country more often that not - issues are tried emotionally ... the author dissects many topics of the Indian history in an academic manner with a whole wealth of references. It can be read as a book on history or just to learn something more about our country without falling prey to zealotry.

Book Review - The Audacity of Hope - Barack Obama

Audacity of Hope - Barack Obama
It has been quite some time since I read a book completely ! I have so many books in the half-read stage that I think ... when I finally get back to them .. I will have to start each one from the beginning !!! Anywayz ...

Never underestimate the power of a title !!! :) I was intrigued by the title of this book ... !!! Never thought hope could be audacious ! :) Ended up choosing to buy this book instead of "Dreams from my father" which is supposedly better.

Before I put my thoughts regarding this book , I must say I am handicapped in my review by a couple of things

-- I don't follow American politics so I am not sure exactly how the "timing" of this book's release affected his presidential dreams and hence how calculated / slick the contents of this book are !!! :)
-- It follows from the above that I obviously cannot gauge how his real life veers from the said content of this book ..... on his stands over various problems ....

So ... about the book ... I found the writing lucid in a chatty style and definitely readable. Obviously it focuses entirely on America .... what comes through is the author's love for his country and a sense that he is doing his best in a job that poses myriad challenges especially to one's belief's and morality.

The chapter on the machinations behind American politics is interesting ... especially regarding the hardening of political stances. I feel it is something that happens all too frequently in India .. and the middle path seems more and more obscured .. since it is a path that gives no political gains !!!!

The main theme is that the author comes across as someone who embodies the American middle-class dream and is not too politically correct .... which is refreshing. Yes for most of the issues a neat middle-of-the-road path is taken but the reasoning behind the said stances are nicely portrayed. It is easy to identify with since it feels like the author is just a regular guy ... and so ... the book contents seem eminently believable ..

There is an absence of jingoism and acrid bashing , still he manages to paint the Republicans in a not-so-good light and is candid about his views upfront ... that he leans towards democratic ideals being a democrat himself !! :)

Nevertheless it obviously finds an echo somewhere in America ( and the world ) or I don't think this book would have been so popular so as to find itself even on the Pune streets !!! :)

There was a vague sense of deja vu on some topics and that was because I realized that some challenges that America faces have been highlighted in my recent read - "Hot, Flat and Crowded" by Thomas Friedman including the oil dependency woes and competition for jobs from across the world and US's foreign policy.

My take would be - read only if interested in American political machinations and to learn something about the American president !! Otherwise the other challenges/viewpoints can easily be read in other books or articles on the web.

If I had to pick the best statement in this book it would be - "In the world's greatest deliberative body ..... no one is listening" .. which happens when someone wants to explain / introduce a new bill.

Teenage Angst and hindsight ... :)

Yesterday my daughter and I spent time singing songs from my High school song book. I never expected that the book I maintained would last so long .. or that it would actually be useful !!!

While retrieving the book I found another set of books - diaries ... ! Maintained when I was a teen ... :) So when I got a chance I skimmed them .... :)

And I think after reading them ... they can be safely chucked in the fire !!! :) Why .... ??

- For one thing I don't even recognize the teen who wrote those entries !!!! :) Was it me who vacillated between those kind of highs and lows and terrible blues ? :)

- WOW .. I had a big sense of paranoia then .... I have names in code and the most mortifying incidents ( I don't remember them ) are not even penned down !!! Just who did I think would be interested in reading about them ? :)

- Did I really think that people cared to plumb the depths of my personality when I said "Nobody will ever understand me because I wear a mask" ? :)

- And who is this person I have sworn to hate forever ? One would think I would be able to at least recall the face and the reason why ? :)

- Why oh why did I not enjoy being more than 15 kgs lighter and younger :) ??

- Seems like the color gray did not exist in my world at that time ... things were black or white !! :)

- Just why did I think it was all-firing important to dissect the incident with my friend and her guy - facial expression by facial expression - with her ??

- Did I really take all those personality tests and read Linda Goodman's books from cover to cover ... and actually use that to glean meaning into my behavior as well as that of others ?

- How did I think that poem that I wrote was a masterpiece ? Ugh ?? :)

- I spent that much time writing about clothes/music/likes and dislikes ? :)

- Feelings towards my crushes ( always long distance ... ) range from ... disbelief .. [ I mooned over that moron ?? Whatever happened to my taste ??? ] to ... just who is this person again ? :) I do recognize couple of them thankfully .... :)

- And just when did I study ? :)

But all in all ... I felt my drivel was very predictable .. typical teenage angst !!! :) Guess not all things nostalgic .. have a value !! :) But wait may be all is not lost ... perhaps this will help me understand ..... when my daughter hits the teens and thinks .. that her feelings are unique .... just like every other teen in the world !!!

Spiti Valley Itenary

Overview
When we visited Manali in Dec 2009 we found ourselves interested in the different modes to explore Himachal especially the cold desert area of the Spiti Valley, Leh and Ladakh.

One can go trekking to this area (with/without mules to carry baggage), drive through , visit via jeep safari ( where the items for camping are in a separate vehicle ), a camper van .... :) Everything can be arranged provided you have the time and ofcourse the money !!! :)

With a child we decided to go for the drive option with bookings in relevant hotels at the appropriate destinations. Our itenary was for 15 days and we would explore the Kinnaur Valley, Pin Valley and Spiti Valley. Our route was - Delhi - Narkanda - Sangla - Kalpa - Tabo - Kaza - Chandratal - Manali - Sojha - Delhi. [ Full itenary at the end of this post ]

We checked out many tour operators for this but finally we decided to go with Banjara Camp & Retreats. [ http://banjaracamps.com/ ] One was the cost factor, second was the inputs received from friends, third it seemed to make sense since at three prominent halts we would be staying at their properties - Sangla , Kaza and Sojha.

I must say we were very happy with Banjara. We had a problem with the driver they had assigned but when we complained about him they promptly swung into action. Within 30 min of our complaint they arranged for the driver to be changed. I expected them to ask us to adjust for the remaining days .. but they did not do so. Their properties were also very good. Scenic locations of the retreats and very courteous staff.

This drive can also be done in 10 days I have heard. But we took the leisurely route. The other alternate we checked out was travelling from Sangla to Kaza and then onwards to Leh/Ladakh. But it seemed a little rushed to us so we dropped it.  The route would have been Shimla - Sangla - Tabo - Kaza - Jispa - Serchu - Leh. Would have included Nubra Valley and Panging Tso lake.

I think this was a great blessing for us. We headed out of the Kaza area just one day before the Leh cloudburst. So may be someone up there ensured we did not do this route !!!!

Observations, Travel Tips

  • Carry woolens, thermal wear no matter what time of the year. The weather is completely unpredicatble. One spell of rain can mean very chilly nights.
  • July to August are the best months for Spiti Valley while May - June is the best time for the Kinnaur Valley.
  • Check how comfortable the driver is driving these dangerous roads. I would consider the road to Chandratal ( very very narrow road jutting out of the mountain side ; just a dirt track ) , the road to Tabo via Maling ( rocky bedstreams and landslide area ) as well as the road to Kunzum pass ( again swift flowing rocky riverstreams ) very treacherous.
  • Be mentally prepared for delays that span days. Many a times it may entail a complete change of itenary. So have a Plan B, Plan C and sometimes even Plan D in mind.
  • Be prepared to be cut off from civilzation at any point of time. The roads to Spiti Valley from Kinnaur side or from the Kunzum pass side can get cut off at any time due to landslides, rock slides and streams.
  • From Nako onwards electricity is a problem. [ Check your camera batteries !!! ]. We did not have electricity till we reached Manali.
  • Try to cross the Kunzum pass early - the streams formed due to ice melting will be more full as the day passes.
  • Carry snacks and shawls in case you are stuck somewhere without being able to move forwards or backwards !!!! Keep a first aid kit handy.
  • We did not face any altitude sickness with our itenary but that may still be something to consider.
  • BSNL is the only mobile that works after Puh ( enroute Nako ) till Manali. Can consider getting a prepaid card.Still sometimes even BSNL fails in these areas.
 Itenary:
Day 1
Jul 24: Delhi- Narkanda- Pick up from airport at 10 am. - 11 hrs drive – halt Narkanda

Day 2
Jul 25: Narkanda- Sangla via Sarahan - 8 hrs drive – halt Sangla

Day 3
Jul 26: Sangla – Chitkul ( Nagasthi ) – halt Sangla

Day 4
Jul 27: Sangla- Rakcham trek– halt Sangla

Day 5
Jul 28: Sangla- Kalpa (Kinner Kailash range views) - halt in Kalpa

Day 6
Jul 29: Kalpa- Tabo Via Nako - 7 hrs – halt Tabo

Day 7
Jul 30: Tabo- Dhankar- Kaza - 5 hrs – halt Kaza

Day 8
Jul 31: Kaza- Ki, Kibber Gete or [ LangKa, Hikim and Comic villages ] – halt Kaza

Day 9
Aug 01: Kaza- Pin Valley National Park drive – till Mudh – halt Kaza

Day 10
Aug 02: Kaza- Kunzum- Chandratal- 4 hrs drive and 4 hrs hike - camping at Chandratal

Day 11
Aug 03: Chandratal- Batal- Manali- 8-9 hrs drive. May be problems at Rohtang pass with traffic jams. – halt Manali

Day 12
Aug 04: Manali- Sojha - 4 hrs drive - Halt Sojha – Jalori Pass

Day 13
Aug 05: Sojha – Raghupur Fort - Halt Sojha

Day 14
Aug 06: Sojha - Relax / Sereoslkar lake - Halt Sojha

Day 15
Aug 07: Sojha- Delhi- 12-13 hrs. Late evening flight out.

Design and Usage ....

"Everything is designed. Few things are designed well" - Brian Reed

Designing is an ubiquitous activity. Yet in so many instances it almost seems like design is disconnected from usage. In the midst of following fads - the entire purpose of design gets lost !!

We went to a restaurant .... and it seemed like everything that could be wrong ... was wrong !!!!

1. The play area for children was in a dark dim corner ... ?? Could not see the children ... much less the playground artifacts ... what kind of child safe zone is this ?

2. The entire restaurant was mostly dark ... in this dim dark world -- there were pathways ... which had unexpected dips in levels with no visual demarcation .... plus the natural stones had plenty of unevenness to cause stubbing !! An invitation to people and children to fall on their face !!!

3. The low seating was atrocious ... I don't have back pain and yet I found it difficult to keep leaning forward at that angle to reach for my food !!!

4. Candle light dinner ..... aaah .... supposedly romantic .... it seems the designer forgot that candle light dinner does not mean ... we be unable to see the food or the menu !!! :) IMHO candle lit dinner should be just enough that it hides flaws and creates a glow instead .. with adequate dim lighting to ensure you can see what you eat and most importantly the expression on the other person's face ... after all this is why it is supposed to be romantic right ? More often than not this generally this means a smaller table ... most restaurants never get this balance right ... !!!!

And I can go on and on ...For a restaurant of that kind .. food is just one of the things that it is rated on !!! :) The entire design seemed to ignore the people who would come to the restaurant and be served !! :)

If design is intelligence made visible .. I definitely saw no sign of it .... And this is a hep & happening place here ... sometimes I wonder .... :)

We had an architect who was interested in designing our bathroom lighting with expensive lighting and extensive work details .... the point forgotten - the said design would make the bathroom dimly lit !!!

This same person refused to keep the kitchen platform at a comfort level for me ... said the height that was chosen was standard. But this so-called-standard would give me a pain the neck while cutting vegetables and a gas cylinder could not fit underneath it either !!!! What kind of standard was this ? Standards are there for a reason ... but if it does not help towards an easy usage of the object ...... what is the point ...  ??

Have you come across a website where what the company is about is buried under so much flash .... that it takes forever to get to the core [ we would rather go elsewhere thank you ]. I would think that if under 5 seconds you don't know what the website is about ... most people would just skip ....

Aesthetics are very important no doubt .. but while designing these aesthetics .... it is important to remember ...designing should always be connected to the purpose of its usage... otherwise after the novelty is gone... it may well find  itself out of favor too ....

After all - "Good design keeps the user happy, the manufacturer in the black and the aesthete unoffended" -  Raymond Loewy

Grief - Short note

 
"There is many a word that causes a tear in the eye .. but the saddest of them all is the simplest word 'goodbye'".

 
Lately I feel I am getting lots of bad news ... first from a friend involved in an accident that wiped half his family away.

 
Next from an acquaintance who lost her hubby ... 1 month after their wedding ... just after they came back from their honeymoon. Another teen lost his dad .... and ....... I don't think I need to add more.

 
In all these instances .. there seems to be a common thread. Insensitivity of the people who come to offer condolences.

 
  • One person asks details about the accident
  • Another person asks - How do you feel about your dad ? Do you miss him ? [ Er .. what kind of question is this ? Really ??? ]
  • The girl is being consoled with ... "It is ok .. you are young .. you can always marry again " !
  • I was told - "It is ok .. you have another sister "

 I do understand that to a large extent many people feel awkward and helpless knowing that no words can assuage the pain and one can really do nothing .... so I sincerely believe my friend was trying to tell me .. I still had another sibling to hold on to .... and did not mean to sound as if one sister was the same as another .... like interchangeable objects ....

 
But on the whole .. while people have different ways of handling grief .. I would think some things are common when one approaches them -

 
  • If you don't know what to say .. it is better to just say .. you don't know what to say ...

  • Not many people like to rehash the loss ..... get the clues from the demeanor of the person ... and keep quiet when you get this edict

  • Last and definitely not the least ... every person is unique so the anguish the departure of that person brings is also unique .... the age, the situation in life .... does not matter ... only how much that person was loved.
So whether it is a still-born child, a 5 month old baby, a 6 yr old boy, a teen girl, a father , a grandmother etc ... the age has nothing to do with acute sense of distress ... and nor can one person be replaced with another !!!!

 
At most for a person who is old you might be able to face the bereavement with a degree of equanimity because you believe they have lived a long and [ hopefully ] happy life. But that may not really dull the pain ...

 
So when one visits a person in sorrow it is time to take a step back and make a conscious decision to try and be more perceptive.

Like my friend told me during my difficult time ..... "Letting go has never been easy but holding on can be just as difficult. Yet strength is (sometimes) measured not by holding on but by letting go."

Simple pleasures ... Raindrops and Roses .....

- Watch sunrise near the sea where there is clarity and the full sun can be seen ... the change from darkness to light is amazing .....

- Watch mists roll down a hill ... these are especially more beautiful when there are tea estates on the hill ....

- Feel snow flakes falling on your upturned face

- Sit for hours in the waters of a natural hot geyser .... :)

- Camp out in a place where you can gaze at the sky with a zillion stars from a spot far away from any light ...

- See the brilliant fall colors ....

- Smell the earth after the first rain ....

- Drive a bike when it is raining ...

- Walk in the rain .... :)

- Take deep breaths in the fresh crisp mountain air ...

- See a complete bow of a rainbow across a field or road ......

- Watch the full moon rise ...

- Smell the intoxicating aroma of sandalwood / jasmine / roses ....

- Sit on the steps of a train and watch the passing scenery [ be careful the door does not close on you !!! ]

- Sit in a quiet spot in a temple and listen to the temple bells ... and feel peace stealing on you ....

- Drive/Walk on a lonely road with flame of the forest [ Gulmohar ] trees in full bloom on either side ...

- Relax with your feet in a cold water stream ....

- Sit under a jacaranda tree in full bloom ... be enveloped in the heady scent of those lovely violet flowers ...

- Drive on a desert road ... with blue skies .. and a handy deep blue lake on one side .... :) ... all those rich browns and blues are beautiful .....

- See the majestic northern lights .... in silent contemplation ....

- Scuba dive in turquoise waters with brilliant corals and bright tropical fishes in various hues ....

- Sky dive .. through a cold cloud ... :)

- Experience the quietness when parachuting ...

- Have hot chocolate in front of a fire [ no other lights in the room ]

and and and .............. these are a few of my favourite things ..... :)

What are you like ??

"Know Thyself" is considered an universal tenet and a basic step towards spiritual growth. One of the baby steps towards this knowledge I think is questioning one's likes ( and dislikes ).

This may be considered as questioning one's beliefs but I believe it is much more fundamental than that. We all have prejudices ... and they are not easily visible to us.
Unless an effort is made to understand them I believe one cannot really understand oneself.

So lets say we take something as trivial as "Why do I like like mangoes ?" You may like them -

- obviously due to the taste
- simply a health habit wrt to eating seasonal fruits
- or perhaps may be in some part - it evokes the feeling     that you felt when you were at your grandparents house !!


So what ?? What is the big deal one may wonder ... but the questioning does not have to stop there.

Say one progresses to wonder why there is a dislike of maths [ or accounts/finance .....:) ].

May be it is not just because you thought you did not get a good teacher / guide ... it may also have been because being in a family of mathematical geniuses [ or something similar in terms of achievers ] you were more scared of failure .... and hence it was easier blaming someone or something ....

It may not inspire you to stop everything and rush off to become a CA now :) .... but your awareness may help you next time you come across maths or a balance sheet and may allow you to take your time to understand it ... or may be you will help someone who is in the same situation that you were in .... :) Perhaps you will manage your finances better ! :)

Take football or cricket .... there is a whole world of physics to be learnt when one sees the spin of the ball changing the course of the trajectory ....
[ I personally think that subjects like physics and maths should be taught more in terms of application ... they are more fun that way ... especially probability theory :) ..... but .. that is another topic altogether ]

Not everything you learn about yourself has to translate itself into an actionable item ... it is sometimes just enough to be aware ..... and ofcourse quite a few insights would be trivial ...

But to think about it .... when you know that you have bought that LIC policy not because you are convinced it is good for your financial goals but because everybody in your group got it [ and claim it is the best thing for you ! :) ] ; you are more likely to understand why your son insists on a Ben 10 watch (because everyone in his group has it) !!! You will more likely be able to empathize with his crumbling under the effects of peer pressure.

When you realize your choice of subjects in college were to conform to what your parents wanted - may be you will go easy on your children and allow them to choose what they want to do.

You may start to wonder on any number of things ....

- Why do you light a diya everyday ? And yet consider reading the Gita in old age only ? :)
- Why doesn't [ or does ] it disturb you when a 5yr old girl child is expected to understand and give in ... whereas her brother who is 10 yr old and throws a tantrum - is indulged .... ?
- Why is bharatnatyam [ or opera ] beautiful to you ?

Questioning your likes may make you realize that some of them are either irrelevant or the emotion [fear/sadness/compulsion] that made you choose is no longer applicable.
Gradually ... you may find yourself thinking on more deeper issues - questioning your faith, beliefs, religious teachings, gender bias, patriotism, caste leanings, work ethics etc.

The more you know why you are doing / liking / disliking something the more aware you become of your persona and .... that ... is the whole point of .... "Know thyself" !
When you know what motivates you , what moves you , what interests you .. you are able to move beyond that knowledge to making choices that more beneficial for yourself , your family, friends and work.

It is said that a 1000 mile journey begins with a step ... so ....may be it is time to ponder on ...
"Why do I like the color _______ ? " :)

Skills update .... ?

Every once in a while I get a doubt ... did I answer this person correctly ? And this especially happens when I am asked questions regarding the software field.

The latest in the line was a question posed to me by a teen. God knows why he asked me ... he is such a go getter already - a paying blogger website , knows Joomla , his twitter updates ( and no of followers ) leave me astonished ... . This along with him being a student ..... Hmm may be he asked me just to make me feel distinctly uncomfortable and outdated .... now there is a thought !! :)

He asked - What technical skills do you think collegians should invest in ? Uh oh ..... what could I say ?

Seemed to me he was better updated than I am ... nevertheless I considered the question carefully and answered that learning any of the following would be good .... Now I am wondering .. did I get it right ? Is there something I have missed ? And what about suggestion for soft skills ? Shouldn't I have suggested that anyway ? But ... how do I suggest he learn that ?

My answers -

- Java , JSP , Java based frameworks
- .Net technologies - VB .Net, ASP .Net, C#, LINQ
- HTML, CSS , Flash, jQuery
- PHP, MySQL, Ruby on Rails
- Google Web Toolkit, Android apps
- Learning to make apps for 'i' Apple products,
- Animation [ Have no clue of software's in this area )
- Testing area - QTP ?
- SAP
- Linux
- Apache , Weblogic ?
- Photoshop

The reason this list makes me uncomfortable is that - it feels like deja vu. So what have I missed ??

Last day of your life ?

Live each day as if it were your last ........

This particular instruction is given in so many articles , books , blogs etc and I think .. what is the fuss all about ? I guess I have not reached the "Aha" moment for this yet ...... :) No .. change that to .. I know I have not reached the spiritual awakening required to appreciate that line ! :)

This recommendation is supposed to make you contact people from whom you are estranged , people you want to forgive ( or want to gain forgiveness ) , make your loved one feel extra special etc .... But I think .. would I call any one with whom I have had a falling out with ? No ... they are ex-friends for a reason ! :) Of course not always acrimonious reasons ..

One cannot live in a state raised awareness forever .. so like it or not .. we slide into the regular rhythm of ignoring many important things and getting back to the grind ..... so may be this suggestion is better suited to considering it as as advisement to take a breather ... to stop and smell the roses ... :)

So what runs through my mind if it were my last day is .....

  • I would do no laundry !!! LOL :)
  • I would eat only junk food ... probably killing myself in that hour itself .. :)
  • See if all my loved ones could take a holiday and spend the day with me ... :)
... and many more things which are squarely centered in the material world ... :)))

Although I think ..... I would not call any of my friends either ... it being the last day .. I think I would expect them to understand that I would want to spend every minute with my family ! :) I wonder now .. Am I going to lose any friends for saying this ? :)

 

Is it really so weird ?


Many times I am asked how I chose my baby's name. I am told it is a beautiful name ( although many say it is too long too ! :) ). They are weirded out when I mention that I chose this name when I was in my 8th std. It was serendipity. I was just having a fine summer day looking at the blue blue sky and this name popped into my head along with the name Prakurti as good names.

I thought ; if I ever married and had a child and a girl at that, I would name her one of these two names. Along the way I lost interest in the name Prakurti. :) [ No such thing luck with a boy's name !! :) ]

My signature : In high school as an exercise from our school - we were to open a bank account in our names ( a practical lesson ) - so we had to go to the local bank , ask for account opening forms etc ... and for this - my group - a bunch of 4 girls seriously spent one lunch period deciding and then perfecting our signatures for the said bank account.

Our requirements were simple - we would not neatly write our names , it would be individualized and we would not include our surnames since we did not want to change our signature when we got married ! :)

Now this was at an age where most of us thought of marriage as nothing but the most stupid thing to do !! And yet we were practical enough to realize that ... life is life ... we never knew what would happen !! :)

While in my 2nd year Pre-Uty - I had joined NIIT and regardless of my specialization in Engineering I knew I would enter the software field. It seemed so obvious to me ! :)

And yet when I mention incidents like this ... it is considered strange ! What I don't understand is why ? :)

You know you have matured in IT when .....

You know you have matured in IT when ..... you look at the following picture and move from exclaiming - "How crazy , our project would never be like that !!! " to ... "Sigh ! Sad but so true ..... !! "  :)




When this picture was forwarded in my early days... most of my friends and myself felt the scenario depicted was hilarious and clearly wrong !!

Today when I ask my friends what they think .... most just shake their heads !

Am sure this scenario is not the province of the IT industry alone .... !!

Rainy day ... who says blues ? :)

I know it is summer but for some reason ... thoughts of rainy season are already pouring in .... :)


If I were to have a lazy rainy day .. with hot tea and pakoras ..and popcorn .... and with my daughter next to me ... what movie CD or music video CD would I plug in ??? [ Ok ok what would I play on my comp ?? :) ]

Some of my picks .....

1. Monsters Inc

2. Tinkerbell ( the series ) plus I guess - the Disney series - Bambi, Snow white, Beauty and Beast, Fantasia

3. Wizard of Oz ( The old one )

4. The Sound of music

5. Baby's Day out

6. Home Alone

7. Free Willy

8. Little Mermaid

9. Chak De India

10. Toy Story

11. Earth Song and We are the world - MJ

12. Another day in paradise - Phil Collins

13. Sleeping Child - MLTR

14. Vande Mataram - AR Rehman

15. Ab ke sawan - Shubha Mudgal

16. Lakdi ki kaati - Masoom

17. Ricky Martin - Cup of life [ the one with the football snippets .... ]

18 Hum bhi agar bacche hote ...

19. And ..... and ... suggest some more .... :)

I know this list is heavily tilted toward English movies / videos but then I am not very familiar with classical Hindi movies ( songs yes .. not movies ... ).

My girl was not entranced with Mary Poppins, Finding Nemo , Brother Bear, UP and Gods must be crazy .....!

I have not included video games though ..... hmmmm ....

So ...... any more that you can recommend? :) Don't have to take my daughter's age into consideration .. just think what you would choose for yourself .. and if you have a child .. to view with him/her ... :) Or may be project what you would share in future !!

Time ... changer of seasons ....

Listening to this Boney M song "Time changer of seasons .. time will see another flower growing" .. I thought ..If I could turn back time in my life - where would I want it to stop ( and stay there forever ) .. [Assuming no change in choices or decisions ... ]

  • Childhood - the pure irresponsible and very happy days .. but still there was this urge to grow up ! [ What a silly wish it seems like ! :) ] 
  • School days - Loads and loads of fun .. but raring to go to college .....
  • Pre-University - Lively days ... and yet wanting to get into an engineering college ! :)
  • Engineering - Some of the best days ever ... but wanting to get a good job and earn some cash ! :)
  • Job days - Now this is seriously a very good contender .. the euphoria of landing a well paying job lasted quite some time and then there were the friends with whom I had all those bike rides and travelling ... plus met hubby in this duration ... So why would I not want to turn back time to this stage ?? Because now I know what life is like with my baby ..... :)
  • So my current stage -- I think it says a lot that in spite of all the wonderful by-gone days ... I am in a very very good stage ... after all even if I really could I still would not want to go back ... :)
What do you think ? Where would you want time to stop if you could ?

No new discoveries please .....

I heard this comment the other day in response to reading the book "Prey" by Michael Crichton. -- "That is why I think there should be no discoveries by mankind. All of them lead to nothing but bad things !!"

Uh-oh, I thought ... here we go again. You see this is the third time I have come across this same comment [ from different people ].... and every time I wonder if the person who says this does not understand what exactly he/she is disclosing.

The conversation excerpt -

V : So all discoveries/inventions are bad ?
O : Yes all of them .. just consider Atom Bomb - they tried to discover something and that killed many people in Japan.
Dynamite -this was supposedly for mining but was used in landmines instead ( this I do not know and have not googled it). Vaccination has lead to biological warfare !!! [ The research into germs is the cause it seems ]. It is the curiosity of humanity that causes problems all the time.

V : [ A sweeping statement so I started with just one e.g. ] But what about the fact that nuclear reactors give power ?
O : Why do we need power ? We should go back to the age of candlelight and kerosene lamps.

V : Vaccination has lead to so many children being saved from crippling diseases. That is not important ?
O : Do you see the problems the world is facing due to a burgeoning population ?

V : If you say all discoveries/inventions are bad - then going back to the very beginning - there should be no fire - so no cooking and hence no farming. In fact there should be no evolution at all ! But nature changes all the time ; plants and animals adapt which can be called change or discovering a new better method of survival or evolution.
O : [ After an uncomfortable silence ] Ofcourse I don't mean that - we should go back to the previous generation where people were happier and things were simpler; when humans did not cause so much destruction !!

V : [ Aha ! I did not continue after hearing that statement. I would have been persona non-grata if I had said what I thought. :) I mean history has always been about bloodshed ... so humans not causing destruction is a non-argument ]

I think the person(s) did not realize the new changes that life wrought were frightening or discomfiting to him/her and hence the nostalgic and vehement wish to go back. How often do we hear this ?

" Internet is the worst thing that could happen to kids" [ previously it was TV .. before that ? No idea ... !! :) ].

And even then it is a kind of prejudice when you think that any generation is the best simply because it falls in one's comfort zone !! So would every generation like change to stop at their generation b'cos they think it is best .... !! :) And yet without change .. they never would have arrived at that point of time ... :)

Be it changes due to petroleum refining and need for electricity ( for kerosene ), factories ( for the candles and lamps ), the industrial revolution - which included many many discoveries and inventions, transportation, guns , guillotines .. all the way to the discovery of fire and the wheel..... In some way or another .. all changes are enmeshed and have brought us here .. for better or worse ...... :)))

Like many things .. the whole point seems to be missed - that Internet or TV or curiosity or discoveries/inventions - nothing is inherently evil by itself. It is the usage that causes all the trouble. And change is a juggernaut that cannot be stopped !! No matter how much we resist it !

I hope that .... I do not end up saying some years later ..... "The Internet was better than ...... " :)

Book Review - Made to Stick by Chip Heath and Dan Heath

I read this book on Ashwin's recommendation. Thanks Ashwin ! :)

There was a mild sense of deja vu when I read this book and that may have been because of all the literature read on - how to make good presentations / proposals / speeches / ads .... etc. [ Have you seen Steve Job's presentations ? :) Sadly I still lack in this area !!! ]. Principles like - KISS ( which is called "Simple" in this book ) , make an impact ( Unexpectedness ), a picture speaks a thousand words etc . Plus one cannot help remembering all the ads / stories / one-liners that have stuck to one's mind !! :))

Having said that the book puts tangible strategies into a simple usable formula , a kind of handy reference - that can be used like a ready reckoner to help make ideas 'stick' in the minds of the audience. Towards this at the end of every chapter a case study is taken and examined/analyzed against the formula -- and an effort is make to understand why one of idea 'sticks'. Nothing like an example to illustrate practicality.

The formula for stickiness - SUCCESs (Simple, Unexpected, Concrete, Credible, Emotional, and Story). The last 'S' is deliberately left out. Does this make the formula more 'sticky' ? :)

Some things I liked / learned from the book [ This is by no means exhaustive - I liked the book in its entirety ].

1. Curse of Knowledge - Many people who are communicating an idea know so much about a subject that they are unable to put themselves in the shoes of their audience who may know very little about that topic. [ Ever sat through the presentation of an expert and found most of it went over the head ? :) ]. This is the curse of knowledge - “Once we know something, it is hard to imagine what it was like not to know it.”

2. The story of prejudice - A teacher Jane Elliott in Iowa was trying to think of a way to explain to her class of third-graders about prejudice. This was after the assassination of Martin Luther King Jr. She wanted to convey the idea of why someone would hate enough to kill them.

So she first divided the class into brown-eyed children and blue-eyed children. Then brown-eyed children were told they were superior to blue-eyed children. They were allowed to sit in better seats in the class and given extra time at recess. Blue-eyed children were made to wear a collar so that their superior brown-eyed classmates could identify them anywhere and ignore or taunt them. . The brown-eyed children were vicious in their contempt and hate. The blue-eyed kids began to do poorly in subjects they had previously done well in.

One day later - the teacher reversed her statement - she told that blue-eyed children were superior to the brown-eyed children. Now the brown-eyed children faced the discrimination, poor grades , the physical collar and taunts. With the change the prejudice also turned around.

She ended the experiment on the 3rd day - telling them neither were superior. But the experiment made the idea of prejudice concrete ! Years later - her students still remembered the profound message that differences can generate excessive hate - enough to kill.

3. Business managers seem to believe that, once they've clicked through a PowerPoint presentation showcasing their conclusions, they've successfully communicated their ideas. What they've done is share data.

4. There is a curious disconnect between the amount of time we invest in training people how to arrive at the Answer and the amount of time we invest in training them how to Tell Others !

5. Stripping out information, in order to focus on the core, is not instinctual. There is a tendency to include every single fact as though the quantity of data amassed is more important.

6. Why stories work - If you make an argument, you're implicitly asking the audience to evaluate your argument - judge it, debate it, criticize it - and then argue back, at least in their minds. But with a story, you engage the audience - you are involving people with the idea, asking them to participate with you.

In the last pages - there is a reference guide which are like notes plus there is a section on common communication problems and what to do about them. Definitely useful.

All in all - a fast and easy read , interspersed with many examples and certainly a book that can picked up to improve in communication ( and be remembered ) - be it via presentations / speeches / ads / business proposals .....

Inputs go directly into the Output ...

Consider a scenario - A group of friends and one rambunctious toddler driving the parents wild ... out comes the threat ...


"If you don't listen .... we will lock you in the bathroom / dark room / terrace " etc ... And for added benefit - the threat is carried out sometime too .. so the child knows exactly what that fear is ....

Cut the scene - a few years later - the parents saying "I have no idea why he/she is afraid of the dark - he/she is old enough now to switch on the light in a dark room by himself/herself".

 
Is this a rocket science that the result from such constant admonishments is not visible ? The inputs are processed to shape the output !!!

 
Yet I see this every day and from educated and supposedly mature parents ... the other variations of the same ...
  • Don't go into the water you will drown ; Later -- I don't understand why he/she is afraid to go to swimming lessons and keeps screaming ?
  • Don't run/jump/climb etc you will get hurt; Later -- Look at that kid ... he/she is so good at sports and you ....
  • Don't eat that - it is not the season for it ... ; Later - my child is fussy about food ....
  • Don't make a mess or keep quiet - I am working and switching on the cartoon channel .... ; Later -- all he/she does is watch TV whole day ...

Admittedly parenting is a tough job [ especially if you think it to death :))) !!! ] We don't have the energy to keep up with kids and trying to maintain discipline when the child is on the tantrum train is a nightmare ....... yet ... some effort at viewing ourselves from the outlook of a child is required I think.

  
It seems to me very often - kids need a break from parents more than parents needing a break from kids !!! The world is a wonderful place in the child's eyes and in these days when the time for innocence and fun is shortening day by day .... they need a break from the the conflicting instructions ...

 
This is why I think a child is given extra energy to be naughty and irrepressible ; simply because if it were otherwise kids would become robots performing at the will of parents !!!! And nobody including parents .. would like such kids !!! :))) Contradictory eh ? :))

 

Book Review - Superfreaknomics by Steven Levitt and Stephen J Dubner

If I had to use one word to sum up this book I would use "Meandering" and not in a bad way. It is interesting and has lots of statistical data !


 

 Some of the topics covered include -

 
  • Global warming ( but ofcourse !! :) ) - Some unconventional methods to reverse the warming.
  • On People - If we are by nature altruistic or selfish
  • How to catch a terrorist using data mining techniques ; one of the variables is life insurance
  • Prostitution - many areas in this topic
  • Drunken driving vs Drunken walking
  • Doctors washing their hands ( and yes most don't seem to !!! )
  • How safe are car seats vs seat Belts for kids and so on ....

There is a vast amount of diverse information packed in a good narrative style. It is more like a fiction book with non-fiction data ! :)
 

But I must admit the section on being a female in India made me cringe - not that what is written is not the truth because it unfortunately is and the arrow strikes too close to home.

I do not think this book has the impact of their first book "Freakonomics" or perhaps the "freak" of the first book - they seem to have lost some punch and are unconvincing in some of their arguments.

Also some insights seem more common knowledge than something that challenges preconceptions. Like the information on women dying during childbirth due to doctors not washing their hands. Or even people needing incentives to be more altruistic ( may be a cynical knowledge ! :) ).

  
All in all - an enjoyable but hardly a must read.

 

Which original version is liked ?

I can't say I like to play devil's advocate or stir up the nest but the current furore over "Phir Mile Sur" is irrestible.

While quite a few are not enamored with "Phir Mile Sur" ( an underestimation) others are fine with it - they may still prefer the older version but credit the new one with the inclusion of more diversity, technology, children, sign language etc.

And I speculate ... just how much of this commotion is due to "what-we-see-or-hear-first-we-like-better" syndrome !! Ok now what is the technical term for this ? :)))

Consider the following

1. Same songs/movie in different languages

  • Cheeni Kum and the song from Mouna Raagam [ Tamil ]. It is a straight tune lift !
I prefer the Tamil version but friends here perfer the Cheeni Kum song and I cannot feel the magic in Cheeni Kum !!!

  • Saathiya songs vs the Alaipayudhe [ Tamil ] songs
I like the Tamil version again and yes I heard it first.  My friends from Pune prefer the Hindi version [ yes I did make them listen to the Tamil version ! :) ]
  • Anjali movie songs as well as the movie - I prefer the Telugu version which I watched and listened to first.
I know my Chennai friends like the Tamil version better ! :)

  • Ghajini vs the Tamil movie ( forgot the name ) - yep I prefer Ghajini ( although I have not seen the entire movie )

  • e. The day earth stood still - I can't imagine even wanting to watch the 1951 version ! :)
2. Cricket T-20 vs Test matches

The cricketing world proverbially erupted on this issue and yet see the cash cow that T-20 is now. This clearly shows the demand for cricket in this format never mind the purists' views ! :)

3. Books converted to Movies

Although the mediums are different - if a person has seen the movie first and then reads the book - more often than not he/she prefers the movie and vice versa.

4. Old Hindi songs and the new remixed versions

Yes people like the old versions but there are few kids I know who prefer the new ones. And I did think couple of the remixes were done tastefully so that one could listen to the old and the new with pleasure. Bonus ! :) The videos of these songs though .... are not my cup of tea at all ...

5. Strange but Atlas Shrugged and Fountainhead

Most Ayn Rand lovers seem to like both books but prefer the book read first !!! :)

And so on ..... I do think the in the long run purists lose ground simply because change ( good or bad ) is a juggernaut wheel that is just unstoppable !!!

Having said that; for "Phir Mile Sur" - I think they should have considered making it crisper - 5 - 6 min preferably and included more national icons and gotten off the excessive Bollywood train .... there were Bollywood people in the original but they did not choke you with their number ! :)

Choice , Freedom , Independence - What ?



Most parents when asked; tell that they want their kids to be independent. I wonder ..... what does independence mean ?

Financial Independence ? Emotional independence , Religious independence ?

When a child emotionally declares he/she prefers to spend more time with say the father - the mother immediately sulking is something I have seen too many times [ "After all I have done" .... is the oft heard wail ]. Isn't this is a barrier to emotional growth ??

A child questions - regarding the job, career or lack thereof [ :) ] - taking offence does not help.

In fact even for routine queries I have been told not to say "I don't know" because it reduces my authority !! I cannot say I understand this - I know I am not a know-it-all .. [ I prefer leaving this job to google !! :) ]. And I would prefer to explore the answer with my baby .... and common there are so many questions that I just cannot answer ..... if I curb this am I not impeding the child's intellectual freedom ??

Our children should earn and stand on their own feet. But if this involves making a lot of credit purchases and falling into a debt spiral - do we think that a child should learn from his/her mistakes or bail out the child again and again ? [ The child here is a legal adult but when is a child not a child to its parents ? Aaah yes .. when paying for our medical bills !!! :)) ]

Independence to decide on a life partner - an acquaintance was askance at the thought that having a girl child in the US who is independent might open the possibility of having a black [ have no idea what the politically correct term is now !! ] son-in-law .... !!!

Imagine a child choosing to change religions ( for any reason ) .. how many parents would like that and can support that ?

And the list goes on

- When a girl decides on the kind of dresses she wears ( for guys too ... but on a lesser level )
- When a guy decides to do some RJing instead of focusing on CET .......
- Choice of geographical area to settle

This is not restricted to a home environment alone ... Ever a submitted a proposal to your boss only to find that all the boss likes are the full stops and commas and sometimes not even that ? :)) Where is the independence here ?

A bird is taught by the parents to fly and yet when it flies the nest why does the resentment come in ? We may find that we cannot live with the choices made .....


So when I hear "I want my child to be independent" I also hear the caveat -

As long as he/she makes choices per my idea of what a a proper choice is .. and that is not independence at all .... it is mere conformity to a parent's ideals ......

While I am not immune to this phenomenon ... for now .... I think perhaps I should allow my child to jump in puddles more often ..... :)) That is also a type of choice right ?